14 Days of Love
Days of Love
Chocolate Box Calendar
Day 1 - 3
Day 1
Tiny Actions = Big Results
Small Things Often
Relationships grow through everyday moments of care and attention. Small actions done often build trust and love over time. These moments may seem insignificant in the moment, but they quietly shape how safe and supported your partner feels with you.
Today’s Challenge: Do one small, thoughtful thing for your partner. Choose something that makes their day a little brighter or easier. Small actions matter more than you’d think.
Day 2
Ask Curious Questions
Open-Ended Question and Love Maps
Knowing what’s happening in your partner’s inner world strengthens emotional intimacy and connection. Love Maps grow when you stay curious about who your partner is today, not just who they were when you met.
Today’s Challenge: Ask your partner one curious open-ended question, then really listen to the answer. Don’t try to give advice, just stay interested.
Day 3
Pay Attention to Each Other
Bids for Connection and Turning Towards
Relationships thrive when partners feel seen, heard, and responded to in small moments throughout the day. These moments, what Gottman calls “bids,” are how partners ask for connection, often in subtle ways.
Today’s Challenge: Notice one bid for connection from your partner today, and turn towards it. If they sigh, say something like, “hey, look at that cool bird!,” or quirk their brow at you, respond with attention, warmth, and interest.
Day 4 - 7
Day 4
Repairing Hurts
Repair Attempts
Conflict happens in every relationship. Repair attempts help couples recover from conflict and prevent small hurts from turning into lasting resentment.
Today’s Challenge: If you find yourself in conflict big or small, offer a repair today. Offer an apology, a kind word, a gesture, or a moment of understanding. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be effective.
Day 5
Compromise
Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems
Some arguments can be solved, but a lot of relationship conflict is perpetual. This means that you might keep arguing about the same thing over and over again, even for years. Every couple has a set of perpetual problems. Learning to compromise keeps you from becoming stuck, or gridlocked, in them.
Today’s Challenge: Identify one ongoing disagreement. Instead of trying to “win,” look for one place where you can bend or better understand your partner. And vice versa!
Day 6
How Was Your Day, Honey?”
Stress-Reducing Conversation
Feeling supported with everyday stress builds emotional safety and deepens friendship. These conversations aren’t about solving problems, they’re just about being there for each other.
Today’s Challenge: Take 10 minutes to talk to each other about your day. One person speaks, and the other listens, then swap roles. Remember to listen with empathy and don’t try to fix anything unless you’re asked for advice.
Day 7
Make Up So You Don’t Break Up
The Aftermath of a Fight
How you recover from conflict matters more than how often you argue. The aftermath is where understanding, trust, and repair are built.
Today’s Challenge: If there’s lingering tension in your relationship, take one step towards repair: acknowledge feelings, take responsibility, or express understanding. Talking it through can help you make up and move on.
Day 8 - 11
Day 8
Do You Choose Me?
Commitment
Commitment creates emotional safety and reinforces the sense of “we’re in this together.” It reassures your partner that the relationship is secure, even during stress or times of uncertainty.
Today’s Challenge: Express your commitment to your partner today through words or actions. Let your partner know you choose them every day, in small and big ways.
Day 9
Can I Rely on You?
Trust
Trust is built moment by moment, through consistency and responsiveness. Each kept promise and each follow-through strengthens your bond.
Today’s Challenge: Follow Through on one promise or responsibility, even a small one. Reliability builds trust in your relationship.
Day 10
Let’s Do It Together
Accepting Influence
Couples who share decisions and power in their relationship feel more connected, respected, and on the same team. Accepting influence doesn’t mean losing yourself, it means valuing your partner’s voice.
Today’s Challenge: Invite your partner’s input on a decision today, and really listen to their opinion. Accepting your partner’s influence helps you act as a united front.
Day 11
Dreams and Goals
Make Life Dreams Come True
Supporting each other’s dreams builds meaning and purpose in your life together. Feeling understood in your dreams strengthens your bond.
Today’s Challenge: Share one dream or goal, big or small, with your partner. Ask about their dreams too. Listen with curiosity, and identify one way you can support each other in your dreams.
Day 12 - 14
Day 12
Between the Sheets
Intimacy and Exploration
Healthy intimacy starts with communication, curiosity, and emotional safety. Talking openly about sex will help you feel closer and more satisfied.
Today’s Challenge: Talk about sex. Couples who talk about it have it more often, and they have a more satisfying sex life. Talk about what you like, what you want to try, or what helps you feel close. Keep it open and judgement-free.
Day 13
The Six Second Kiss
Six Second Kiss!
Small moments of physical connection strengthen your emotional bond and reduce stress.
Today’s Challenge: Share a full six second kiss! Dr. Gottman calls it a “kiss with potential” because it can lead to deeper intimacy. Remember to slow down and stay present.
Day 14
Date Night
Fondness and Admiration, Friendship, Intimacy
Dedicating regular time to your connection can help you keep your love alive and stay emotionally close over time.
Today’s Challenge: Create a moment just for the two of you today. Share appreciations, laugh, reminisce together, and talk about your future together. Remove any distractions and focus on each other. Connection doesn’t require perfection, just presence.
Indulge in a Deeper Connection with
the Gottman Relationship Adviser
Indulge in a Deeper Connection with the Gottman Relationship Adviser
$119.00
Originally $387.00
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Turn Make-Ups into Connection
Make Up Sex
Mini Bundle
Make Up Sex That Actually Makes You Feel Closer
Original price was: $89.00.$77.00Current price is: $77.00.
Make Up Sex Mini Bundle
Make Up Sex That Actually Makes You Feel Closer
Original price was: $89.00.$77.00Current price is: $77.00.
Deepen Intimacy, Even After a Fight
Deepen Intimacy, Even After a Fight
Conflict can leave couples feeling disconnected, even when physical intimacy returns.
Conflict can leave couples feeling disconnected, even when physical intimacy returns. The Make Up Sex Mini Bundle helps you understand the emotional dynamics of make up sex and explore whether sex is being used to avoid unresolved issues or as a substitute for true repair. It guides you in creating safety, trust, and emotional intimacy before physical intimacy, while also supporting you in communicating desires and boundaries with clarity and care. You’ll learn how to recognize when emotional flooding is still present and how to build rituals of connection that strengthen both emotional and physical closeness.
$77.00
$89.00
Short Lessons. Big Shifts.
Real Connection.
The Make Up Sex Mini Bundle can help you deepen intimacy, even after a fight. Whether you’re feeling distant or just want to deepen your connection after tension, this Mini Bundle offers a compassionate, research-based approach to intimacy.
This Mini Bundle includes two bestselling programs from the Gottman Relationship Coach series:
Original price was: $89.00.$77.00Current price is: $77.00.
With this bundle, you’ll get two bestselling Coach programs.
Making Up After an Argument
Original price was: $149.00.$87.00Current price is: $87.00.
Has an argument left you feeling hurt, misunderstood, and emotionally distant? Your relationship can heal and conflict doesn’t have to break your bond!
Enriching Your Sex Life
Original price was: $79.00.$37.00Current price is: $37.00.
Build safety and trust for physical intimacy and reignite desire and explore pleasure together.
What’s Inside this Bundle?
- 22 exclusive videos led by Drs. John and Julie Gottman
- 6 interactive exercises to apply what you learn
- Real-life examples and role plays to guide you
- Three digital “Salsa Card” decks
- Available in English (Spanish subtitles available)
- Lifetime access to all materials so you can revisit anytime
- Digital/online format with printable PDF exercises
Self-care Isn’t Just for You,
It’s for Your Relationship Too
Taking care of your relationship is a form of self-care. When arguments happen (and they will) what you do afterwards can make all the difference.
Created by the world’s leading relationship experts and grounded in over 50 years of research, this Mini Bundle is based on the proven Gottman Method. This framework has helped over 100,000 couples build deep emotional and physical intimacy. It goes beyond simple advice, offering a research-backed approach to make-up sex rooted in intention, empathy, and mutual understanding.
- No therapist required; start anytime, from anywhere
- Access material and practise exercises at your own pace
- Use the tools on your own or with your partner
- Optional: pair with a therapist for deeper support through the Gottman Referral Network
Original price was: $89.00.$77.00Current price is: $77.00.
Short Lessons. Big Shifts.
Real Connection.
Product description
The Make Up Sex Mini Bundle can help you deepen intimacy, even after a fight. Whether you’re feeling distant or just want to deepen your connection after tension, this Mini Bundle offers a compassionate, research-based approach to intimacy.
What’s Inside
this Coach Program?
- 22 exclusive videos led by Drs. John and Julie Gottman
- 6 interactive exercises to apply what you learn
- Real-life examples and role plays to guide you
- Three digital “Salsa Card” decks
- Available in English (Spanish subtitles available)
- Lifetime access to all materials so you can revisit anytime
- Digital/online format with printable PDF exercises
Built on Science, Designed for Real Life
Taking care of your relationship is a form of self-care. When arguments happen (and they will) what you do afterwards can make all the difference.
Created by the world’s leading relationship experts and grounded in over 50 years of research, this Mini Bundle is based on the proven Gottman Method. This framework has helped over 100,000 couples build deep emotional and physical intimacy. It goes beyond simple advice, offering a research-backed approach to make-up sex rooted in intention, empathy, and mutual understanding.
How It Works
- No therapist required; start anytime, from anywhere
- Access material and practise exercises at your own pace
- Use the tools on your own or with your partner
- Optional: pair with a therapist for deeper support through the Gottman Referral Network
Real Couples, Real Results
Frequently Asked Questions
Have More Questions?
What is the Make Up Sex Mini Bundle?
The Make Up Sex Mini Bundle is a two-part digital program designed to help couples deepen and rekindle intimacy after a fight.
In this Mini Bundle, you’ll get three bestselling Gottman Coach programs:
- Making Up After an Argument
- Enriching Your Sex Life
What is a Gottman Relationship Coach?
Gottman Relationship Coaches are self-guided programs based on the popular Gottman Method. The All About Conflict Bundle contains 2 Relationship Coaches: Dealing with Conflict and Making Up After an Argument.
Gottman Relationship Coaches provide an inspiring and educational multimedia experience created and designed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman to enhance and transform the wellbeing of relationships. Participants access research-based relationship skill-building tools in a series of interactive videos, exercises, and card decks designed to inspire healthy communication and deeper connection.
Should I follow a specific order while working through the programs?
There isn’t a specific order you have to follow when working through Gottman Relationship Coach programs. The first program in any Gottman Relationship Coach introduces important foundational concepts of the Gottman Method. Each of the subsequent programs elaborate in more depth on these and other concepts. We recommend reading through the programs and picking the one that best suits what you’d like to work on, then continuing with the additional Gottman Relationship Coach programs for further evolution of those concepts. You can also select “What’s right for me?” for some custom recommendations.
Who is this bundle for?
This Gottman Relationship Coach Bundle is for any couple (newly dating, long-term, married, or in committed partnerships) who wants to improve how they handle conflict and deepen their emotional connection.
Do I need to be in a relationship to benefit from the Gottman Relationship Coach Bundle?
While the content is designed for couples, individuals can absolutely benefit by learning healthier communication and conflict resolution skills for any relationship.
Is this therapy?
No, Gottman Relationship Coach Bundles are not therapy, but they are built by therapists. The bundle offers therapy-level tools based on the Gottman Method, which has helped millions of couples worldwide.
Where do I access the content?
All materials are available digitally once purchased through Gottman Connect.
Can I share this with my partner?
Yes! One purchase gives access you can use with a partner through single access.
How soon will we see results?
Many couples notice shifts after just one lesson or exercise. The tools are designed to be applied immediately in real-life conversations.
What if my partner isn’t interested?
Even if only one partner engages, the tools can still create positive change. Often, one person modeling healthier relationship habits inspires the other to join in.
Is the content inclusive and respectful of different relationship types?
Yes, Gottman Relationship Coaches are inclusive for all relationship types. The Gottman Method is grounded in universal principles of emotional safety, respect, and connection. The programs are designed to support couples of all backgrounds and orientations.
What is the difference between the Coach Programs and the Gottman Relationship Adviser?
Whereas the Gottman Relationship Coach products address specific areas of your relationship, the Gottman Relationship Adviser is a complete relationship wellness program.
As an unparalleled approach to relationship wellness, the Relationship Adviser takes the guesswork out of improving your relationship by combining assessment and solutions all in one place.
The Adviser uses the Sound Relationship House Theory. This a foundational concept within the Gottman Method and has been used successfully with hundreds of thousands of couples all over the world to help them understand and improve their relationships.
The Relationship Adviser measures your relationship health with a research-based self-assessment, analyzes key areas of your partnership to identify your strengths and weaknesses, and provides a tailored, step-by-step digital program proven to heal and strengthen your connection.
Learn more about Gottman Relationship Adviser
If I have purchased the Gottman Assessment or a Coach program, can I still experience the Gottman Relationship Adviser?
Yes, all couples can benefit from taking the Gottman Relationship Adviser. The Gottman Relationship Adviser will give you a full snapshot of the state of your relationship based on a detailed self-assessment and then provides recommendations for improvement.
Learn more about Gottman Relationship Adviser or Gottman Assessment
What if my partner and I decide we need to see a therapist after taking the Gottman Relationship Coach?
You can search for a clinician in your area on the Gottman Referral Network (GRN). This network of experienced clinicians is certified in Gottman Method-based relationship-building techniques and can use your Gottman assessments, working with the Adviser or Coaches to help you get on the pathway to a healthy, long-lasting relationship more quickly.
Go to the Gottman Referral Network
Have More Questions?
Make Up Sex Can Be Powerful
Fights happen, but what comes next can bring you closer.
The Make Up Sex Mini Bundle offers a science-backed, emotionally intelligent path to deeper connection.
This special collection teaches you how to:
- How to repair during and after an argument
- The 5 steps after a fight to make up and move on
- Ways to strengthen emotional safety and intimacy
- How to explore sensuality, eroticism, and desires
- How to fight fair, reconnect faster, and bring back the heat
Original price was: $89.00.$77.00Current price is: $77.00.
Relationship Builder for Couples
Discover the Gottman
Relationship Builder
Practise Makes Perfect
The Gottman Relationship Builder is a collection of exercises and videos designed to improve your relationship and that will help make sure what you learn in therapy sticks.
As a powerful therapy tool, the Gottman Relationship Builder will help you practice the skills needed to build a stronger, healthier relationship.
The Builder was developed by the world’s leading relationship experts and is based on over 50 years of research that has helped more than 100,000 couples
Discover the Gottman Relationship Builder
Practise Makes Perfect
The Gottman Relationship Builder is a collection of exercises and videos designed to improve your relationship and that will help make sure what you learn in therapy sticks.
As a powerful therapy tool, the Gottman Relationship Builder will help you practice the skills needed to build a stronger, healthier relationship.
Watch our Demo’s
Sample Exercise
This preview shows one partner’s instructions for the “Dream Catcher” exercise, intended to help couples tackle gridlocked problems.
- Choose a perpetually gridlocked problem to work on before you do this exercise from the Perpetual Problems and Gridlock section’s Exercise.
- Decide who will be the Dream Catcher and who will be the Dream Speaker—later you will switch roles.
When you are the Dream Catcher, all you have to do is read aloud each of the following questions one by one, in the order in which they are written. After you ask a question, the Dream Speaker will do their best to answer it. Be sure to give your partner plenty of time to do so.
Also, it’s important that you not bring up your position on the issue or challenge the speaker’s answer when you are the listener. Just proceed reading aloud each question and listening to your partner’s answers until all the questions have been asked. If you like, you may ask follow-up questions if you are confused by one of your partner’s answers. But be sure your question is only for clarification.
Afterward, it will be time to trade roles.
Here are the questions for the dream catcher to ask:
- Do you have any core beliefs, ethics, or values that are part of your position on this issue?
- Is there a story behind this for you, or does this relate to your background or childhood history in some way?
- Tell me why this is so important to you.
- What feelings do you have about this issue?
- What would be your ideal dream here?
- Is there a deeper purpose or goal in this for you?
Hopefully, you now understand each other’s positions on your issue more fully. It’s a great time now or next time to work together on creating a compromise for your issue.
What is Included in the Gottman Relationship Builder?
Your therapist has invited you to access a wide range of Gottman Couples Therapy resources through the Relationship Builder. The Builder provides you with the following:
14
Easy-to-follow modules
covering topics like communication, intimacy, conflict resolution, shared values, and emotional connection.
90
Short videos
featuring the Drs. Gottman demonstrating helpful relationship skills.
41
Interactive exercises
you and your partner can do together or individually.
70%
Off of the full price
for all Gottman Couples Therapy modules!
Get Started In Three Simple Steps
Accept the invitation
Your therapist will begin by inviting you (and your partner, if applicable) via an introductory email.
Create your profile
If you don’t have a Gottman account, you will complete a simple registration flow to create your Gottman account.
Work through your assigned modules
Your therapist will work with you directly to create a therapy plan and will assign you modules with instructions specific to your needs. Feel free to work ahead, all the modules are available at your disposal!
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I have to take an assessment to use the Gottman Relationship Builder with my clinician?
Do I need a partner with me to use the Gottman Relationship Builder?
What kind of topics are covered in the multi-media modules?
What kind of videos are included in the Gottman Relationship Builder?
Does my access to the Gottman Relationship Builder ever expire?
Looking for a therapist?
Tools for Better Therapy
Meet our network of trusted, Gottman-trained therapists on the Gottman Referral Network!
Looking for a therapist?
Looking for a therapist?
Looking for a therapist?
Meet our network of trusted,
Gottman-trained therapists on the Gottman Referral Network!
Relationship Checkup
Discover the Gottman
Relationship Checkup
Help your therapist help you
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is a world-renowned and research-based tool used by therapists or other clinical professionals to better understand a relationship. The deep insight provided by the Checkup enables your therapist to give you science-backed, direct, and detailed support that is specific to your relationship.
Discover the Gottman
Relationship Checkup
Help your therapist help you
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is a tool used by therapists or other clinical professionals to better understand a relationship. The insight provided by the Checkup makes it easier for your therapist to give you direct and detailed support that is specific for your relationship.
Why You’ve Been Invited to Take the Checkup
You’ve been invited to complete the Gottman Relationship Checkup because it gives your therapist a clearer, more complete picture of your relationship right from the start.
This proven assessment helps identify what’s going well between you and your partner, and where support is most needed. It’s designed to make your therapy sessions more focused, effective, and tailored to your unique relationship.
Once you and your partner have completed the Checkup separately, your therapist receives a personalized report with clinical insights and will share specific recommendations based on your responses. This means less time gathering background information and more time working on what matters most to you as a couple. You and your partner will each receive your own separate reports as well.
What is the
Gottman Relationship Checkup?
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is a completely confidential (only you and your therapist can see your answers), research-based questionnaire that can be taken at any time and in a setting of your choice. The Checkup is designed to assess key aspects of your relationship in five categories:
Friendship and Intimacy
Levels of stress and conflict management skills
Shared rituals, values, and goals in your relationship
Trust and Commitment
“Areas of Concern” covering mental and physical health
Get Started In Three Simple Steps
Accept the invitation and create your profile
Your therapist will begin by inviting you to complete the Checkup via an introductory email. You and your partner will get unique email invites and each will complete a simple registration flow on Gottman Connect to create your own, separate accounts.
Complete the questionnaire
You and your partner each complete and submit your own Checkup questionnaire separately, using unique logins to ensure privacy. Your responses are encrypted and never accessible by your partner. Only your therapist sees your full answers, ensuring a safe space for honest reflection.
Review your results
Once you and your partner both complete the questionnaire, your therapist will review your results and notify you when your questionnaires have been processed and evaluated. Your therapist will receive a detailed report highlighting strengths, challenges, and tailored recommendations to guide your sessions. Based on your therapist’s guidance, you and your partner may also receive your own, separate relationship reports to view.
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is
Proven to Work
Built on over 50 years of scientific research, the Gottman Relationship Checkup is made up of 337 emotionally intelligent questions that go beyond the surface-level to explore the heart of your connection. The Checkup is completely therapist-supported and your clinician uses the results to personalize your journey, whether you’re in therapy or just starting.
The Gottman Method for Couples Therapy
The Gottman Method aims to improve communication, deepen emotional connection, and build a relationship rooted in mutual respect, affection, and understanding. Completing the assessment is a meaningful first step toward improving your relationship. It’s not just a questionnaire, it’s a way to help you and your partner move forward with insight, empathy, and intention.
The Gottman Method
for Couples Therapy
for Couples Therapy
The Gottman Method aims to improve communication, deepen emotional connection, and build a relationship rooted in mutual respect, affection, and understanding. Completing the assessment is a meaningful first step toward improving your relationship. It’s not just a questionnaire, it’s a way to help you and your partner move forward with insight, empathy, and intention.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is The Gottman Relationship Checkup?
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is an online assessment tool created by world-renowned Drs. John and Julie Gottman in collaboration with The Gottman Institute in Seattle, Washington. The assessment is composed of 337 questions and covers topics including friendship, intimacy, conflict, finances, children, trust, commitment, drug and alcohol screenings, and individual issues that can put a relationship at risk.
Where do the questions on the assessment come from? How do we know that answering these questions can actually help our relationship?
Dr. John Gottman is a clinical psychologist who has completed more than 50 years of research on relationships and couples. Dr. Julie Gottman is a clinical psychologist who has extensive experience in private practice and teaching settings. Together, they created this research-based assessment for couples as a method for learning the strengths and challenges of a relationship and subsequently determining a treatment plan.
How long does it take to complete the questionnaire?
The actual time it takes to complete each questionnaire varies based on individual responses, the complexity of relationship dynamics, and the choice to use optional comment areas to provide additional information about the relationship. However, on average, you can expect it will take about an hour to complete the assessment.
If I don’t want to take the test all at once, can I stop taking it and resume later?
Can my partner and I see one another’s answers while I am taking the test?
While taking the assessment, do I have to answer all the questions or can I skip the ones I don’t want to answer?
Will I get a copy of my results?
How do I access The Gottman Relationship Checkup?
A clinician approved to use the Checkup must send you an invitation.
I’m not currently seeing a clinician. Where can I find one?
To search for a clinician trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy near you, please visit the Gottman Referral Network.
Is the Gottman Relationship Checkup LGBTQ+ inclusive?
Yes, the Gottman Relationship Checkup is LGBTQ+ inclusive and has been designed for every couple, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation.
I want to use The Gottman Relationship Checkup to assess my relationship without going to a clinician. Can I do this?
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is designed to be used with a therapist in a professional setting. If you are not working with a clinician or not ready to see a therapist, please explore additional relationship resources here.
Find a Gottman-Trained Therapist
Visit the Gottman Referral Network!
Relationship Emotional Connection
When You Shut Down
So Does Your Relationship
Express It
Don’t Suppress It
Is emotional immaturity holding your relationship back?
Gottman Can Help
Bottling up or dismissing emotions creates distance, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Even if you’ve grown apart, it’s possible to rebuild closeness.
The good news is that emotional intelligence is a skill you can develop. With the right tools, you and your partner can break old patterns and connect on a deeper level.
Gottman research has found that emotionally intelligent couples are better at handling conflict. Building emotional intelligence starts with getting comfortable opening up about feelings, validating each other, and really listening to understand.
Did you know…
"Couples often ignore each other’s emotional needs out of mindlessness, not malice.”
—Dr. John Gottman
FREE Download | Emotional Literacy
Sign up for the Gottman Love Notes Newsletter to receive your free guide on emotional literacy. Learn about emotional intelligence, meta-emotions, and how to express feelings in a healthy way.
The 5 dating tips helped me find the love of my life. Thank you Gottman!!
Review from Lisa
We have not been connecting well and this program has prompted deeper discussion and connection.I honestly think this program saved our marriage!
Review from Jesse B.
Working with a Gottman Therapist has transformed me as a person. For the first time ever, I feel ready for a partner.
Review from Gemma
3 months after joining Lessons for Love I found my girlfriend. I still use my learned knowledge every day.
Review from Mark
It has helped us better understand communication; it validated my feelings of not being alone such as 69% of couples had the same problems when they came back 2 years later
Review from Catriona H.
We communicate better and are more intentional with each other. Very helpful!
Review from Lindsay D.
The Single Best Way to Improve Your Emotional Connection
The Gottman Relationship Adviser
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
You love each other, but something feels missing.
The conversations feel surface level and it’s like you’re living side by side instead of truly together.
Original price was: $149.00.$67.00Current price is: $67.00.
- How to identify and share your truth
- About what we call Bids for Connection, and the three ways you can respond to them
- How to Turn Towards your partner to make your relationship successful.
- A concept of an Emotional Bank Account and positive emotions, and how to increase the balance in your Emotional Bank Account
- How to identify and express your needs in the relationship
- How to be a great listener
- How to have a stress-reducing conversation
Original price was: $35.00.$27.00Current price is: $27.00.
New! Why Mindfulness Matters for couples.
Learn the benefits of mindfulness in relation to relationships, co-regulation and burnout prevention. What is mindfulness, and can you use it in your relationships? How do you fit it into your busy schedule, and what are the benefits of doing so? Nicole Schiener, Registered Psychotherapist and Bringing Baby Home Educator, is here to answer these questions for you.
Original price was: $30.00.$17.00Current price is: $17.00.
NEW! Small Daily Habits. Big Relationship Wins.
Looking for an easy, research-backed way to strengthen your relationship? The Gottman 30 Day Relationship Journal helps you build a simple, meaningful journaling habit, in just a few minutes a day. For 30 days, you’ll receive a daily email straight to your inbox. Each day focuses on a specific Gottman relationship topic and includes three thought-provoking prompts designed to help you reflect, connect, and take action.Frequently Asked Questions
Do you want more insight in your relationship?
What if my partner emotionally shuts down or avoids talking about feelings?
This is common, and it doesn’t mean change isn’t possible. Gottman tools are designed to help both partners feel safer expressing emotions, starting with small shifts that invite openness without overwhelm.
You can learn more about working through perpetual problems with the Gottman Relationship Adviser.
Can emotional intelligence really be learned?
Yes. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a skill, not a personality trait. With the right tools and practice, you and your partner can learn how to express emotions in healthy ways, listen with empathy, and respond to each other’s needs.
What are some signs my partner is emotionally immature?
Signs of emotional immaturity include avoiding responsibilities like chores or bills, escaping into gaming or excessive screen time, and expressing emotions through blame, criticism, or even tantrums. You may also notice a lack of empathy, poor coping skills, and withdrawal during challenges. These behaviors often stem from deeper issues like fear, anxiety, or unresolved childhood experiences.
Why are men often emotionally immature?
Emotional immaturity in men often stems from societal messages about masculinity, stigma around seeking help, and childhood experiences that discourage emotional expression. Many men lack healthy coping skills, leading to blame-shifting, avoidance, or emotional shutdown. These patterns aren’t excuses but reflect deeper struggles with emotional learning, often reinforced by privilege, underdeveloped support networks, and unhealthy coping behaviors like self-medicating or aggression.
What if my partner doesn’t like to talk about feelings?
It’s common to feel uncomfortable sharing emotions, often because no one taught us how. This doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t care; they may just feel unsure how to express themselves. Gottman tools help couples create a safe space to open up, build trust, and start having deeper conversations that make emotional connection feel easier over time.
Gottman Relationship Couples Blog
Read all about building lasting, healthy relationships in the emotional literacy section of the Gottman Relationship Blog.
Dr. John Gottman on Emotional Connection
GUYS - This is Why Vulnerability Makes YOU Stronger
Discover the key to deeper emotional intimacy with your partner as Dr. John Gottman, renowned relationship expert and co-founder of The Gottman Institute, shares a heartfelt story about vulnerability in his own marriage. Learn how understanding and embracing each other’s enduring vulnerabilities can transform your relationship into one built on trust, empathy, and love.
- Trusted by over 1,000,000 couples worldwide
- Based on 50+ years of relationship research
Whatever you’re facing,
you're not alone
You don’t have to figure it out all at once. You’re taking the first step just by reading this.
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You Deserve to Be Desired
Gottman Can Help
So many couples struggle to talk about sex. Dr. John Gottman found that only 9% of couples who can’t comfortably talk about sex report being satisfied with their sex life.
This highlights a powerful truth: sexual satisfaction isn’t just about physical intimacy. It’s deeply tied to emotional safety and communication.
When partners avoid talking about sex, they often suppress their desires. Over time, this silence creates misunderstandings, unmet needs, and emotional distance.
On the other hand, couples who can discuss sex openly are more likely to feel connected, understood, and fulfilled both emotionally and physically.
The bottom line: couples who talk about their needs and desires build stronger bonds and have more satisfying sex lives.
If you’re struggling with this, you’re in the right place.
Did you know…
“We tiptoe around our needs instead of stating them outright because it feels safer.”
—Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman
FREE Download | Sexy Game of Hearts
Sign up for Love Notes and Get the FREE Gottman Game of Hearts, filled with conversation starters and prompts around sex and intimacy.
The 5 dating tips helped me find the love of my life. Thank you Gottman!!
Review from Lisa
We have not been connecting well and this program has prompted deeper discussion and connection.I honestly think this program saved our marriage!
Review from Jesse B.
Working with a Gottman Therapist has transformed me as a person. For the first time ever, I feel ready for a partner.
Review from Gemma
3 months after joining Lessons for Love I found my girlfriend. I still use my learned knowledge every day.
Review from Mark
It has helped us better understand communication; it validated my feelings of not being alone such as 69% of couples had the same problems when they came back 2 years later
Review from Catriona H.
We communicate better and are more intentional with each other. Very helpful!
Review from Lindsay D.
The Single Best Way to Improve Your Intimacy and Connection
The Gottman Relationship Adviser
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
Real intimacy starts with real conversations about sex.
When your needs go unspoken or unheard, it’s not just frustrating, it erodes intimacy in your relationship. It’s time to open up communication around sex.
Original price was: $149.00.$67.00Current price is: $67.00.
- How to identify and share your truth
- About what we call Bids for Connection, and the three ways you can respond to them
- How to Turn Towards your partner to make your relationship successful.
- A concept of an Emotional Bank Account and positive emotions, and how to increase the balance in your Emotional Bank Account
- How to identify and express your needs in the relationship
- How to be a great listener
- How to have a stress-reducing conversation
Original price was: $79.00.$37.00Current price is: $37.00.
Original price was: $69.00.$37.00Current price is: $37.00.
- All about the Sound Relationship House and how to build your own.
- How to ask better questions that lead to richer conversations.
- Better and more effective ways to express your love.
- How to get specific about the things you appreciate, and communicate them in ways your partner will really hear.
- What skills the “Masters of Relationships” practice regularly and how to implement them in your own relationship.
Limited Time Offer!
“Buy Now” will take you to GOTTMAN CONNECT to purchase and view this product.
Why is it so hard to talk about sex with my partner?
Many people weren’t taught how to discuss sex openly, and it’s still stigmatized in many cultures all over the world. Often, fear of rejection or judgement makes it even more difficult. With the right tools, you can create safety and start communicating about intimacy in a healthy way.
You can learn more about working through intimacy issues with the Gottman Relationship Adviser.
What if my partner shuts down or avoids conversations about sex?
This is a common pattern. Gottman tools teach gentle ways to approach the topic and build emotional safety so you can invite your partner into deeper conversations without pressure or judgement.
Can talking about sex really improve our sex life?
Absolutely. Gottman research shows that couples who openly discuss their sexual needs and desires have stronger emotional bonds and more satisfying sex lives. Communication and building your emotional connection are the first steps!
How do we start these conversations without it feeling awkward?
Sometimes you just have to lean into the awkwardness! The more you discuss sex, the easier it gets. And it’s totally normal to feel uncomfortable at first. That’s why Gottman tools are full of prompts and exercises designed to make these talks feel natural, safe, and even fun.
What if my partner avoids talking about sex?
This is common. Many people feel shame, fear, or discomfort around sex and intimacy. Gottman tools are designed to make these discussions feel safe and natural over time.
Gottman Relationship Couples Blog
Read all about intimacy and relationships in the Gottman Relationship Blog.
The Gottman’s Proven Intimacy Hacks!
The Secret to a Passionate Love Life
Want to keep the spark alive in your relationship? 💕 Drs. John & Julie Gottman share GENIUS ways to communicate intimacy, handle rejection with grace, and make love feel effortless! From wedding-cake figurines to traffic light signals for intimacy, these strategies will change your love life! 💖
- Trusted by over 1,000,000 couples worldwide
- Based on 50+ years of relationship research
Whatever you’re facing,
you're not alone
You don’t have to figure it out all at once. You’re taking the first step just by reading this.
More for Couples
Relationship Healing & Trust
Love Lasts When You Choose Each Other
Without trust, connection fades. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Did you know…
Trust is built in small, everyday moments where partners choose to connect rather than withdraw.
FREE Download | Small Acts of Love Jar
Sign up for Love Notes and Get the FREE Gottman worksheet, Small Acts of Love Jar and learn how to build trust over time with small gestures of love.
The 5 dating tips helped me find the love of my life. Thank you Gottman!!
Review from Lisa
We have not been connecting well and this program has prompted deeper discussion and connection.I honestly think this program saved our marriage!
Review from Jesse B.
Working with a Gottman Therapist has transformed me as a person. For the first time ever, I feel ready for a partner.
Review from Gemma
3 months after joining Lessons for Love I found my girlfriend. I still use my learned knowledge every day.
Review from Mark
It has helped us better understand communication; it validated my feelings of not being alone such as 69% of couples had the same problems when they came back 2 years later
Review from Catriona H.
We communicate better and are more intentional with each other. Very helpful!
Review from Lindsay D.
The Single Best Way to Learn How to Build Trust and a Lifetime of Love
The Gottman Relationship Adviser
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
Real intimacy starts with real conversations about sex.
When your needs go unspoken or unheard, it’s not just frustrating, it erodes intimacy in your relationship. It’s time to open up communication around sex.
Original price was: $149.00.$87.00Current price is: $87.00.
- The difference between dreams and goals
- How to have conversations around your hopes for your lives, both individually and together
- The meaning of trust and commitment, and how to increase both in your relationship
- How to go “all in” on your relationship, and the fruits that it can bear
- How to introduce more fun, play, and adventure in your lives
- How to create your own Rituals of Connection
Original price was: $119.00.$77.00Current price is: $77.00.
- The Gottman Method and How to Make Your Relationship Work
- How do we predict the future of a relationship?
- How to build a Sound Relationship House
- What to do when the destructive Four Horsemen enter your relationship
Original price was: $149.00.$67.00Current price is: $67.00.
- How to identify and share your truth
- About what we call Bids for Connection, and the three ways you can respond to them
- How to Turn Towards your partner to make your relationship successful.
- A concept of an Emotional Bank Account and positive emotions, and how to increase the balance in your Emotional Bank Account
- How to identify and express your needs in the relationship
- How to be a great listener
- How to have a stress-reducing conversation
What does “choosing each other every day” mean?
It means making intentional decisions, big and small, that show your partner they matter to you. That you choose them over anyone else, and you want this relationship with them. From listening closely to sharing appreciation, these daily choices create emotional safety and strengthen your connection over time.
You can learn more about working through perpetual problems with the Gottman Relationship Adviser,
How is trust built in small moments?
Trust isn’t created through grand gestures (although those can be nice!). It grows when partners turn towards each other in everyday interactions. When you listen to your partner, show up for them, and meet their needs, trust grows. They know they can count on you, and they know you care.
The Gottman Relationship Adviser can identify what you need help with in your relationship.
You can also learn clear strategies to identify and express your needs in the Feeling Seen and Heard Coach program.
What if we have grown apart? Can trust and commitment still be built?
Yes. Even if you feel distant now, trust and love can be restored. Small acts of kindness, honest communication, and paying attention to each other can help rebuild your foundation. Remember why you came together in the first place? Let that motivate you!
Can trust be rebuilt after it's been broken?
According to Gottman research, a healthy, satisfying sex life starts with emotional and physical safety, along with a strong sense of friendship and closeness. Without these foundations, intimacy can feel distant or unfulfilling.
How to Build Trust in Your Relationship
Dr. John Gottman and the research that shows trust is at the core of a healthy relationship
“Great relationships aren’t about luck. They’re about commitment, kindness, and daily choices.”- Dr. John Gottman
It’s easy to think happy couples are simply lucky or naturally compatible, but strong relationships don’t just happen, they’re built intentionally.
Gottman Relationship Couples Blog
Read all about building lasting, healthy relationships in the dating and premarital section of the Gottman Relationship Blog.
Whatever you’re facing,
you're not alone
You don’t have to figure it out all at once. You’re taking the first step just by getting this free content.
More for Couples
Partner Won’t Participate
Ace Your Relationship: Level Up Love
Is it possible for one person to improve a relationship on their own?
Yes! Being the best version of yourself can benefit you and your relationship.
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
The Single Best Way Work on Your Relationship Independently
The Gottman Relationship Adviser
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
Original price was: $298.00.$137.00Current price is: $137.00.
Original price was: $149.00.$87.00Current price is: $87.00.
- The difference between dreams and goals
- How to have conversations around your hopes for your lives, both individually and together
- The meaning of trust and commitment, and how to increase both in your relationship
- How to go “all in” on your relationship, and the fruits that it can bear
- How to introduce more fun, play, and adventure in your lives
- How to create your own Rituals of Connection
Original price was: $30.00.$17.00Current price is: $17.00.
NEW! Small Daily Habits. Big Relationship Wins.
Looking for an easy, research-backed way to strengthen your relationship? The Gottman 30 Day Relationship Journal helps you build a simple, meaningful journaling habit, in just a few minutes a day. For 30 days, you’ll receive a daily email straight to your inbox. Each day focuses on a specific Gottman relationship topic and includes three thought-provoking prompts designed to help you reflect, connect, and take action.What help does
Your Relationship need?
Gottman Relationship Couples Blog
Articles to help you navigate ways to improve your relationship independently
The Gottmans on how to help you and your partner communicate better
Stronger Relationships Start Here
Sometimes, working on your relationship starts with working on yourself. The Gottman Method is designed to help you make meaningful changes, even if your partner isn’t ready to join in.
- Trusted by over 1,000,000 couples worldwide
- Based on 50+ years of relationship research by leading experts
- Thousands of couples say they finally feel seen, supported, and understood
Powered by the World Famous Gottman Method, Trusted by Millions
Frequently Asked Questions
Develop and improve your personal relationship skills to improve your connection with your partner.
How do we know if we’re ready for the next step?
Not everyone is going to feel 100% ready when the time comes, and that’s okay. It’s less about having everything figured out, and more about your ability to communicate openly, handle conflict respectfully, and support each other during uncertainty.
You can learn more about working through perpetual problems in several Gottman couples programs. Try the Gottman Relationship Adviser for a complete solution, or spot-check with the Dealing with Conflict Coach program.
Are these tools only for couples who are struggling?
It’s common for partners to have different comfort levels about big decisions. The most important thing is to talk openly and honestly about your hopes, fears, and dreams.
You can learn more about working through perpetual problems in several Gottman couples programs. Try the Gottman Relationship Adviser for a complete solution, or spot-check with the Dealing with Conflict Coach program.
Why are we growing apart instead of growing together?
Not at all! Many couples find Gottman resources helpful when used before major milestones or decisions to strengthen their connection and set a strong foundation for the future
The Gottman Relationship Adviser can identify what you need help with in your relationship, then provide support through exercises, videos, and skill-building tools. You can also learn clear strategies to identify and express your needs in the Feeling Seen and Heard Coach program.
Do we need to agree on everything to have a happy relationship?
Not at all. Gottman research shows that lasting relationships aren’t about total agreement, but rather understanding, respect, support, and compromise. The goal is to recognize each other’s core values and goals and find ways to support each other, even when your views may differ.
What if we avoided these big conversations until now? Is it too late?
It’s never too late! In fact, many couples don’t have deep conversations about values and life goals until they’re already facing big decisions. The good news is that it’s okay to start talking about it now. Opening up these discussions can strengthen your connection and prevent misunderstandings later on.
Fill the intimacy gaps in your relationship with the Gottman Relationship Adviser, an all-in-one tool that provides a personalized relationship-improvement plan based on your needs.
Need something more targeted? Discover how to create a safe space for intimacy, talk openly about sex, and build erotic love maps with the Enriching Your Sex Life Coach.
What if these conversations bring up disagreements?
That’s completely normal. Talking about big life topics can stir up strong emotions, but disagreements don’t mean you’re incompatible. They mean you’re uncovering important beliefs and differences that deserve thoughtful discussion.
Get a full analysis of your relationship—including how you’re doing on turning towards bids—with the Gottman Relationship Adviser.
Or get the Gottman Relationship Coach: Feeling Seen and Heard to learn how to recognize different types of bids for connection and how to turn toward your partner more often.
Sign Up and Start Your Relationship Transformation
Subscribe to Gottman Love Notes and get the latest on relationships, therapy, and much more from the experts. Receive a free couples exercise and access to special pricing on Gottman products every month.
More for Couples
Fall into a Fresh Start
Catch These Cozy Autumn Deals
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
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- How to process even the most difficult arguments and heal from them together.
- What to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and overloaded, what we call “Flooding”.
- What happens in your body when you are in conflict.
- How to calm yourself down, in or out of conflict.
- The importance of “repair attempts,” or ways to get the conversation back on track, plus how to notice and make them
Original price was: $298.00.$137.00Current price is: $137.00.
Original price was: $149.00.$87.00Current price is: $87.00.
- Why you keep fighting about the same things, and how to get “unstuck.”
- How to address recurring issues within your relationship.
- How to approach conflict conversations gently, in a way that addresses specific issues.
- How to identify what your feelings and experiences are around issues that are causing conflict, and how to gently bring them up with your partner.
- How to understand your partner’s side of an issue, and how to get your partner to understand where you’re coming from.
- How to examine the individual values, ideas, and beliefs that influence how you and your partner engage with the world around you.
- More about your own emotions.
Spice up your love life.
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Original price was: $298.00.$137.00Current price is: $137.00.
Original price was: $79.00.$37.00Current price is: $37.00.
A Happier Relationship Starts Today
Subscribe to Gottman Love Notes and get regular relationship tips and resources from the experts, plus a monthly free couples exercise and access to special pricing on Gottman products.
Original price was: $35.00.$27.00Current price is: $27.00.
New! You Can’t Please Them All.
Do you often say yes when you really mean no? Will you do almost anything to avoid conflict? Do you always put others’ needs before your own? These people-pleasing tendencies often occur at the expense of your own needs. Stop people-pleasing and take control of your life with this on-demand webinar. Watch a licensed marriage and family therapist teach the tools and mindset to create healthy and satisfying relationships.Original price was: $35.00.$27.00Current price is: $27.00.
New! Why Mindfulness Matters for couples.
Learn the benefits of mindfulness in relation to relationships, co-regulation and burnout prevention. What is mindfulness, and can you use it in your relationships? How do you fit it into your busy schedule, and what are the benefits of doing so? Nicole Schiener, Registered Psychotherapist and Bringing Baby Home Educator, is here to answer these questions for you.
Original price was: $210.00.$37.00Current price is: $37.00.
Who This Bundle is For:
- New and long-term couples looking to invest in lasting love
- Anyone seeking practical communication tools and conflict resolution skills
- Partners wanting to reignite intimacy and rediscover excitement
- Couples needing easy, everyday ways to deepen emotional connection
- Those ready to build trust and a supportive, loving environment
Why You’ll Love It:
- Expert Insights: Learn from certified Gottman therapists and LMFTs
- Proven Techniques: Real-world strategies you can apply immediately
- Valuable Savings: Get $210 worth of webinars for just $59
- Instant Access: Pre-recorded sessions you can watch anytime, anywhere
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
Original price was: $298.00.$137.00Current price is: $137.00.
Original price was: $79.00.$37.00Current price is: $37.00.
Original price was: $298.00.$137.00Current price is: $137.00.
Original price was: $149.00.$67.00Current price is: $67.00.
- How to identify and share your truth
- About what we call Bids for Connection, and the three ways you can respond to them
- How to Turn Towards your partner to make your relationship successful.
- A concept of an Emotional Bank Account and positive emotions, and how to increase the balance in your Emotional Bank Account
- How to identify and express your needs in the relationship
- How to be a great listener
- How to have a stress-reducing conversation
Original price was: $149.00.$87.00Current price is: $87.00.
- Why you keep fighting about the same things, and how to get “unstuck.”
- How to address recurring issues within your relationship.
- How to approach conflict conversations gently, in a way that addresses specific issues.
- How to identify what your feelings and experiences are around issues that are causing conflict, and how to gently bring them up with your partner.
- How to understand your partner’s side of an issue, and how to get your partner to understand where you’re coming from.
- How to examine the individual values, ideas, and beliefs that influence how you and your partner engage with the world around you.
- More about your own emotions.
Gottman Relationship Adviser
Change Starts With You
The Gottman Relationship Adviser empowers individuals to work on their relationship by focusing on what you can control: your mindset, your behaviors, and your communication skills.
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
Powered by the World Famous Gottman Method, Trusted by Millions
"You’re Fighting With Your Partner All Wrong."
“...the renowned experts on marital stability."
“The Einstein of Love”
“Legendary Couples Therapists John and Julie Gottman Say This Common Communication Advice Is Dead Wrong”
“The right way to fight with your significant other”
“Researchers who have studied over 40,000 couples can predict divorce with 94% accuracy largely based on this communication error”
“Understanding the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" Can Actually Save Your Relationship”
“How Long Does It Take to Fix a Marriage? Give the Gottmans 7 Days.”
“You Should Probably Start Paying More Attention To 'Bids' In Your Relationship”
Stronger Relationships Start Here
Sometimes, working on your relationship starts with working on yourself. The Gottman Relationship Adviser is designed to help you make meaningful changes, even if your partner isn’t ready to join in.
This tool teaches you the skills to build trust, repair conflicts, and deepen emotional connections.
By showing up for your relationship with the Adviser, you’re not just improving things for yourself. You’re opening the door for your partner to meet you there when they’re ready.
Special Sale Price
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
You Don't Need to Wait For Your Partner to Make a Change
Get the Gottman Relationship Adviser today and start making improvements immediately, even if your partner isn’t ready to join.
You’ll start by taking a research-based relationship assessment designed to help you reflect on your relationship across key areas like communication, conflict, trust, intimacy, and friendship.
Once your results are in, the Adviser creates a personalized plan tailored to your unique experience and relationship satisfaction. You’ll get…
- A tailored action plan for your relationship
- Video lessons from the experts
- Guided exercises and reflection opportunities
- Actionable tools you can put into practice right away
Special Sale Price
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
The Steps Are Easy And Simple
The Gottman Relationship Adviser offers fresh insights, new information, and practical skills to tackle real issues, providing a step-by-step plan for improvement. It acts as a true compass, guiding you toward a happier, stronger bond.
Step 1
Take the Assessment
Take a scientific Gottman questionnaire to measure your relationship health and satisfaction. It’s easy and takes under an hour. You can take breaks at any time and come back later.
Step 2
Explore Your Connection Compass
Your assessment results instantly generate a report featuring the new Gottman Connection Compass. This interactive tool helps you explore seven key relationship areas required for relationship success.
Step 3
Start Your Customized Plan
The Adviser will provide you with a personalized relationship improvement plan using your Connection Compass results. Explore videos, exercises, card decks, reflection questions, and more. Learn relationship tips and pitfalls directly from world experts. Follow the plan to start changing your communication patterns.
Special Time-Limited Offer
Special Sale Price
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
Personal Relationship Adviser
Examines seven key relationship areas essential for lasting happiness, giving you a customized plan to build the relationship you want.
Clear Reports and Actionable Plans
Based on your answers, receive a clear, easy-to-understand report and actionable plan.
Understand Your Compatibility
Get a deeper understanding of compatibility with your partner and proven tools to help.
Engaging Exercises
Enjoy engaging exercises and videos in your personal plan to help you reach your goals.
Track Your Progress
Includes two assessments for tracking your progress.
Take the Guesswork Out
Get deep insights that reveal crucial aspects of your relationship.
Individually or Together, You'll Benefit
It’s never too late to invest in your relationship, whether that means working together as a couple or taking the first step on your own.
Even if your partner isn’t ready to participate, the Gottman Relationship Adviser gives you practical tools you can use solo to create positive change. Small shifts in your own approach can often inspire meaningful shifts in the relationship as a whole.
The Adviser is a cost-effective, flexible alternative to traditional therapy. With no ongoing appointments, you get lifetime access to research-based guidance and actionable strategies—on your own time, at your own pace.
Strengthening your relationship isn’t just about the partnership, it’s also about improving your own well-being, reducing stress, and boosting your emotional and physical health.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I do it alone or with my partner?
Yes, you can take it alone or with your partner. There are no waitlists, and no need to also be in therapy. Enjoy the convenience of working from the comfort of your home at your own pace. Works on any device.
We are fighting so much or there is a lot distance, how does this help?
The real obstacles in your relationship are often not what you think. The Gottman Relationship Adviser helps you uncover the true issues and provides a proven, workable plan to address them. If you’re on a rocky path, you stand to change the most. Gain access to solutions that work for you by diagnosing the real underlying strengths and opportunities. Then let yourself be guided by the personalized step-by-step plan you´ll receive.
Feeling overwhelmed about where to start?
It can be daunting to improve your relationship. The Gottman Relationship Adviser makes it easy by breaking down the process into manageable steps. Start with the assessment and let the tool guide you with personalized, actionable insights that make progress feel attainable and exciting.
My current situation hurts. Can I really get to a better place? Is it too late?
It is not too late to strengthen your relationship. Whether you’ve noticed problems for a week or a decade, the Gottman Relationship Adviser can help. If you are considering this tool, you likely haven’t thrown in the towel. Our research shows that those who struggle the most often make the most significant gains. Everyone can benefit, and if you’re on a rocky path, you stand to change the most.
Is it complex or easy to use?
The Gottman Relationship Adviser is designed to be user-friendly and straightforward. The step-by-step process ensures you can navigate it with ease, making it accessible for everyone. It is also fun!
Is it software or an app?
The Gottman Relationship Adviser is an online solution that you can access from any device, anywhere, at any time. No downloads or installations required.
Nervous about couples therapy or can’t find a therapist?
Finding a therapist can be daunting, and even if you do find one, you may be placed on a waitlist. Dip your toes in the water with the Gottman Relationship Adviser. This unparalleled approach to relationship wellness is a completely digital self-paced program that can help you and your partner improve your relationship on your schedule, from anywhere, without ever seeing a therapist.
Already in couples therapy or actively working on your connection, but want more ways to improve your relationship?
The Gottman Relationship Adviser is an excellent addition to your regular therapy sessions. This research-based assessment and solution tool measures your relationship health with a self-assessment, then provides a tailored, step-by-step digital program proven to heal and strengthen your connection.
Tired of getting into arguments? Fighting about the same things over and over? Worried your relationship is at risk?
The Gottman Relationship Adviser can help. This complete relationship wellness tool is designed to assess exactly where your relationship needs help, then provides you with a detailed, step-by-step action plan to improve it.
Does your partner refuse to attend couples therapy? Are you feeling helpless and not sure where to turn for relationship advice?
Try the Gottman Relationship Adviser. This unparalleled approach to relationship wellness is a completely digital self-paced program that can help you and your partner improve your relationship on your schedule, from anywhere, without ever seeing a therapist.
Can I take the assessment alone?
You can use the Gottman Relationship Adviser individually or with your partner to get a full snapshot of your relationship along with a personalized relationship improvement plan based on your unique needs.
Want to do more to improve your relationship, but don’t know where to start?
Try the new and improved Gottman Relationship Adviser.
Curious what kinds of questions are asked in the Adviser?
Here are just a few of the 100+ questions designed for a detailed analysis of your relationship. You’ll answer most questions with true or false or a sliding scale, depending on the question format.
My partner appreciates the things I do in our relationship.
When my partner is feeling bad, I am willing to meet their needs.
My partner discusses problems in a calm and logical manner.
We keep talking about the same issue over and over with no resolution.
When we are burned out or tired, we have ways of becoming renewed together.
A Happier Relationship Starts Today
Subscribe to Gottman Love Notes and get regular relationship tips and resources from the experts, plus a monthly free couples exercise and access to special pricing on Gottman products.
Meet the Gottmans
Drs. John and Julie Gottman have devoted their lives to helping couples build lasting, healthy relationships. Their 50+ years of research powers the Gottman Relationship Adviser, providing you with a tool grounded in decades of expertise.
Relationship Conflict Resolution
Conflict isn’t the end.
It might be the beginning
Conflict isn’t the end.
It might be the beginning
You don’t need to have it all figured out. Just a willingness to try.
Just Imagine...
- Feeling less polarized, from your partner during conflict, de-escalating the fight into deep bonding right in the heat of the moment.
- Knowing when to take a break, and how to calm down. Uncovering what lies beneath the smallest fights that seem on the surface to be about “nothing”.
- Escaping the win-lose mentality, around fighting – and getting to the new mindset of understanding each other more deeply.
- Learning to repair, when something careless was said.
- Adding a bit of humor and affection, even the most heated moments with a touch of humor or affection, creating a space for connection amidst the chaos.
Did you know…
Conflict Isn’t Always a Sign Something’s Wrong. Sometimes, It’s a Sign You Care.
FREE Download | What Are You Really Fighting About?
Download an exercise designed to help you learn how to use conflict to communicate better rather than arguing endlessly.
Sign up for Love Notes and Get the FREE Gottman worksheet, What are You Really Fighting About.
The 5 dating tips helped me find the love of my life. Thank you Gottman!!
Review from Lisa
We have not been connecting well and this program has prompted deeper discussion and connection.I honestly think this program saved our marriage!
Review from Jesse B.
Working with a Gottman Therapist has transformed me as a person. For the first time ever, I feel ready for a partner.
Review from Gemma
3 months after joining Lessons for Love I found my girlfriend. I still use my learned knowledge every day.
Review from Mark
It has helped us better understand communication; it validated my feelings of not being alone such as 69% of couples had the same problems when they came back 2 years later
Review from Catriona H.
We communicate better and are more intentional with each other. Very helpful!
Review from Lindsay D.
The Single Best Way to Solve Your Problems
All About Conflict Bundle
Original price was: $298.00.$137.00Current price is: $137.00.
In “Dealing with Conflict” Drs. John and Julie Gottman guide you through a series of exercises, concepts, and communication skills that can truly change your conflict conversations. With these new skills, going from arguing to understanding is possible. Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
Original price was: $149.00.$87.00Current price is: $87.00.
- How to process even the most difficult arguments and heal from them together.
- What to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and overloaded, what we call “Flooding”.
- What happens in your body when you are in conflict.
- How to calm yourself down, in or out of conflict.
- The importance of “repair attempts,” or ways to get the conversation back on track, plus how to notice and make them
Original price was: $149.00.$87.00Current price is: $87.00.
- Why you keep fighting about the same things, and how to get “unstuck.”
- How to address recurring issues within your relationship.
- How to approach conflict conversations gently, in a way that addresses specific issues.
- How to identify what your feelings and experiences are around issues that are causing conflict, and how to gently bring them up with your partner.
- How to understand your partner’s side of an issue, and how to get your partner to understand where you’re coming from.
- How to examine the individual values, ideas, and beliefs that influence how you and your partner engage with the world around you.
- More about your own emotions.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you want more insight in your relationship?
Why do we keep having the same arguments?
If you and your partner keep fighting about the same issues, you may be stuck in gridlock – a common result of perpetual problems. Every couple faces both solvable and perpetual problems. Solvable ones are situational; perpetual ones stem from deeper differences in personality or values. Many conflicts fall into the perpetual category and can’t be “fixed”, but they can be managed. Gridlock happens when these issues leave you feeling stuck. The goal isn’t to solve them, but to understand and move forward with care and respect.
You can learn more about working through perpetual problems with the Gottman Relationship Adviser, or spot-check with the Dealing with Conflict Coach program.
Why are we growing apart instead of growing together?
Recognizing your emotions and stating a positive need is a powerful way to build connection. When you’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to lash out or shut down – but that usually leaves everyone feeling worse. Instead, pause and breathe, scan your body for tension, and ask yourself: What am I really feeling? Anxious? Drained? Unseen? Then, express a positive need. For example, instead of: “Stop bothering me,” try: “I need a few quiet minutes to recharge.” This small shift -naming your emotion and asking for what you need – can turn frustration into connection.
The Gottman Relationship Adviser can identify what you need help with in your relationship.
You can also learn clear strategies to identify and express your needs in the Feeling Seen and Heard Coach program.
What steps can we take to keep our physical connection alive and fulfilling?
Over fifty years of relationship research has shown that couples can have happy, healthy, and successful relationships if they turn towards each other, build trust and friendship, repair during and after arguments, accept each other’s influence, and focus on understanding each other over winning.
Can trust be rebuilt after it's been broken?
According to Gottman research, a healthy, satisfying sex life starts with emotional and physical safety, along with a strong sense of friendship and closeness. Without these foundations, intimacy can feel distant or unfulfilling.
How can we find more quality time for each other despite our busy schedules?
Gottman research shows that one of the greatest predictors of your relationship’s success is your ability to turn towards each other. Healthy couples constantly make and turn towards bids—the verbal or non-verbal attempts a person makes to connect with their partner. When bids are ignored or rejected, partners are more inclined to criticize each other and become frustrated.
Get a full analysis of your relationship including how you’re doing on turning towards bids with the Gottman Relationship Adviser.
Gottman Relationship Couples Blog
Read all about building lasting, healthy relationships in the dating and premarital section of the Gottman Relationship Blog.
Even Healthy Couples Fight — the Difference Is How
TED from Julie and John Gottman
Conflict is a normal, healthy part of any relationship. In fact, it’s often through disagreements that couples learn more about each other’s needs, fears, and dreams.
The real problem isn’t the arguments, it’s when those arguments turn toxic, hurtful, or cause resentment.
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Love brought you together, but expert relationship advice tells us that shared values and goals will make your love last.
Are you ready for the next step?
Prepare your relationship for the proposal,
the home, or children.
Do you and your partner want the same kind of life? Are your views on family, finances, career, or personal growth compatible?
These questions aren’t always easy, but talking about them now builds a foundation for the daily choices and big steps that follow.
In his research of over 3,000 couples, Dr. John Gottman found that it’s essential for couples to create shared meaning in their relationship. Rituals, goals, and roles bring purpose to your life together and reinforce your love for life’s ups and downs.
When partners avoid conversations about values, priorities, or future plans, it can lead to confusion and resentment down the road.
It isn’t always about agreeing on everything. It’s about understanding each other and choosing to move forward in life together.
Did you know…
Building a lasting relationship takes commitment; it’s a series of daily choices to prioritize one another.
- Dr. John Gottman
How Compatible Are You With Your Partner?
Gottman research has proven that healthy relationships start with sharing your hopes and dreams and they grow with shared meaning, regular connection and readiness to take the next step.
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The Gottman Relationship Adviser
Original price was: $250.00.$157.00Current price is: $157.00.
Big decisions bring up big emotions. Even the healthiest couples can feel overwhelmed when faced with questions about moving in, marriage, or starting a family. But you don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to talk to each other, listen to each other, and grow together.
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- The difference between dreams and goals
- How to have conversations around your hopes for your lives, both individually and together
- The meaning of trust and commitment, and how to increase both in your relationship
- How to go “all in” on your relationship, and the fruits that it can bear
- How to introduce more fun, play, and adventure in your lives
- How to create your own Rituals of Connection
Frequently Asked Questions
Find out how ready you are to take the next big step together.
How do we know if we’re ready for the next step?
Not everyone is going to feel 100% ready when the time comes, and that’s okay. It’s less about having everything figured out, and more about your ability to communicate openly, handle conflict respectfully, and support each other during uncertainty.
You can learn more about working through perpetual problems in several Gottman couples programs. Try the Gottman Relationship Adviser for a complete solution, or spot-check with the Dealing with Conflict Coach program.
Are these tools only for couples who are struggling?
It’s common for partners to have different comfort levels about big decisions. The most important thing is to talk openly and honestly about your hopes, fears, and dreams.
You can learn more about working through perpetual problems in several Gottman couples programs. Try the Gottman Relationship Adviser for a complete solution, or spot-check with the Dealing with Conflict Coach program.
Why are we growing apart instead of growing together?
Not at all! Many couples find Gottman resources helpful when used before major milestones or decisions to strengthen their connection and set a strong foundation for the future
The Gottman Relationship Adviser can identify what you need help with in your relationship, then provide support through exercises, videos, and skill-building tools. You can also learn clear strategies to identify and express your needs in the Feeling Seen and Heard Coach program.
Do we need to agree on everything to have a happy relationship?
Not at all. Gottman research shows that lasting relationships aren’t about total agreement, but rather understanding, respect, support, and compromise. The goal is to recognize each other’s core values and goals and find ways to support each other, even when your views may differ.
What if we avoided these big conversations until now? Is it too late?
It’s never too late! In fact, many couples don’t have deep conversations about values and life goals until they’re already facing big decisions. The good news is that it’s okay to start talking about it now. Opening up these discussions can strengthen your connection and prevent misunderstandings later on.
Fill the intimacy gaps in your relationship with the Gottman Relationship Adviser, an all-in-one tool that provides a personalized relationship-improvement plan based on your needs.
Need something more targeted? Discover how to create a safe space for intimacy, talk openly about sex, and build erotic love maps with the Enriching Your Sex Life Coach.
What if these conversations bring up disagreements?
That’s completely normal. Talking about big life topics can stir up strong emotions, but disagreements don’t mean you’re incompatible. They mean you’re uncovering important beliefs and differences that deserve thoughtful discussion.
Get a full analysis of your relationship—including how you’re doing on turning towards bids—with the Gottman Relationship Adviser.
Or get the Gottman Relationship Coach: Feeling Seen and Heard to learn how to recognize different types of bids for connection and how to turn toward your partner more often.
Gottman Relationship Couples Blog
Read all about building lasting, healthy relationships in the dating and premarital section of the Gottman Relationship Blog.
Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman on how to know if they are "the One".
You’re not falling behind, and you’re not supposed to have all the answers. It’s just time to understand each other more deeply.
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- Based on 50+ years of relationship research by leading experts
- Thousands of couples say they finally feel seen, supported, and understood
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