Column

The Positive Perspective: More on the 5:1 Ratio

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Watch this video of Dr. John Gottman explaining the 5:1 ratio.

Love Quiz: Do You and Your Partner Accept Each Other’s Influence?

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Influencing within a relationship helps build a positive perspective.

The Sound Relationship House: The Positive Perspective

Dr. Ellie Wilde

A fundamental principle of maintaining The Positive Perspective in your relationship is to let your partner influence you.

The Sound Relationship House: Turn Towards Instead of Away

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Playful bids and enthusiastic efforts to turn towards each other result in heightened levels of positivity during conflict discussions.

Love Quiz: Fondness and Admiration

Dr. Ellie Wilde

If life chipped away at your fondness and admiration for each other, the route to bringing them back begins with realizing how valuable they are.

The Sound Relationship House: Build Love Maps

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Love Maps help you develop greater personal insight and a more detailed understanding of each other’s life and world.

An Introduction to Emotional Bids and Trust

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Turning toward your partner's bids for emotional connection builds trust in your relationship.

Expressing Compassion and Empathy

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Intimate conversation requires you to lean into your partner's pain before you offer advice or try to help.

Put Feelings Into Words and Ask Open-Ended Questions

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Enjoy more intimate conversations by learning to label your emotions and asking questions that beg for a detailed response.

Intimate Conversations and Collective Monologue

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Stop having superficial conversations where you're talking but not communicating.

Building Bridges

Dr. Ellie Wilde

If partners build habits of turning towards each other in simple everyday moments, they build bridges of affection, fondness, and admiration.

Love Quiz: Are You Experiencing Negative Sentiment Override?

Dr. Ellie Wilde

Take this quiz to see if your relationship is suffering from a negative perspective.

A Happier Relationship Starts Today

Subscribe to Gottman Love Notes and get regular relationship tips and resources from the experts, plus a monthly free couples exercise and access to special pricing on Gottman products.