0

The Sound Relationship House: Build Love Maps

Love Maps help you develop greater personal insight and a more detailed understanding of each other’s life and world.

Share this post:

One of the most significant theories created by The Gottman Institute is the Sound Relationship House. In Dr. John Gottman’s book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” those seven principles are connected to each level or floor of the Sound Relationship House. Those levels are:

  1. Build Love Maps
  2. Share Fondness and Admiration
  3. Turn Towards Instead of Away
  4. The Positive Perspective
  5. Manage Conflict
  6. Make Life Dreams Come True
  7. Create Shared Meaning

And the two walls holding up the house are trust and commitment, which are essential to all relationships. The first level of the Sound Relationship House is Build Love Maps. The principle of building Love Maps is simply this: knowing the little things about your partner’s life creates a strong foundation for your friendship and intimacy.

Why Love Maps are so important

The research found that emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s worlds. This is having a richly detailed Love Map: the term for that part of your brain where you store all the personally important information about your partner’s life.

These couples made plenty of cognitive room in their minds for their relationship. They remember the major events in each other’s histories, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change. They know each other’s goals in life, worries, and dreams. Without such a love map, you can’t know your partner.

From knowledge springs not only love, but the fortitude to weather marital storms. Couples who have detailed love maps of each other’s worlds are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict. Partners who are already are intently aware of what each other are feeling and thinking aren’t as thrown off course by changes and stress in each other’s lives. But if you don’t start off with a deep knowledge of each other, it’s easy for your relationship to lose its way when your lives shift with the challenges and stressors that come to you over time.

How to build Love Maps

Start creating and strengthening your Love Maps today. Try to answer the following questions about each other and find out how much you know about your partner’s world.

Love Map Exercise:

  • Name your partner’s two closest friends.
  • What was your partner wearing when you first met?
  • Name one of your partner’s hobbies.
  • What stresses your partner right now?
  • Describe in detail what your partner did today or yesterday.
  • What is your partner’s fondest unrealized dream?
  • What is one of your partner’s greatest fears or disaster scenarios?
  • What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
  • What is one of your partner’s favorite ways to be soothed?
  • Name a person your partner dislikes.
  • What is your partner’s ideal job?
  • What medical problems does your partner worry about?

Asking these questions will help you develop greater personal insight and a more detailed “map” of each other’s lives and worlds. However, getting to know your partner better is an ongoing process. Updating your love maps regularly together by sitting down and catching up. Remember, the more you know about each other, the more you feel a strong connection, and the more profound and rewarding your relationship will be.

Learn how to make your relationship work in the first Gottman Relationship Coach program. Unsure which Gottman Relationship Coach product is for you? Take our quiz!


The Marriage Minute is an email newsletter from The Gottman Institute that will improve your marriage in 60 seconds or less. Got a minute? Sign up below.


Share this post:

Ellie Lisitsa is a former staff writer at The Gottman Institute. She holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology.

Recommended products

Original price was: $250.00.Current price is: $189.00.

The World’s First Proven Solution to Assess and Improve Relationships

The Gottman Relationship Adviser is a complete approach to relationship wellness. Measure your relationship health with the research-based Gottman Assessment, analyze five key areas of your partnership to identify your strengths and weaknesses, then start a tailored, step-by-step digital program proven to heal and strengthen your connection—all on your schedule and from anywhere.

The Adviser uses the legendary scientific Gottman Method to help you understand what’s really going on in your relationship—and gives you exactly what you need to improve it.

$45.00

Ever wonder what’s really going on in your relationship?

Tired of getting into fights and unsure what to do next? Or perhaps you’re curious about which areas of your relationship need improvement?

The all-new Gottman Assessment, powered by the legendary scientific Gottman Method, can help you understand the state of your relationship—and get you the help you need to improve it.

Original price was: $119.00.Current price is: $79.00.

Research-based Foundations for a Lifetime of Love.  The Gottman Relationship Coach is an inspiring and educational multimedia experience designed to enhance the well-being of relationships. Participants will be guided through research-based tools and communication skills that can transform relationships—all based on the popular Gottman Method. The first program, “How to Make Your Relationship Work”, is now available and includes:

  • The Gottman Method and How to Make Your Relationship Work
  • How do we predict the future of a relationship?
  • How to build a Sound Relationship House
  • What to do when the destructive Four Horsemen enter your relationship

“Buy Now” will take you to GOTTMAN CONNECT to purchase and view this product.

$30.00

Improve your relationship in 30 days! Backed by over 50 years of research, the 30 Days to a Better Relationship challenge will help you reconnect with your partner and bring more positivity into your relationship. The tools and exercises, delivered once a day for 30 days by email, build on one another and take five minutes or less to complete.

 

Related posts

How Do Gottman Principles Apply to the Dating World?

Stacy Hubbard

How to date the Gottman way ...

Read More

30 Days to a Better Relationship Background Image of couple

How to Build Love Maps

The Gottman Institute

What does it look like to stay curious about your partner? ...

Read More

Friendship

5 Tips to Keep the Friendship Alive

Genesis Games

Can you be friends and lovers? Yes! ...

Read More

therapy

Falling in Love Again with Your Partner: Love Maps, Friendship, and Staying Connected

Susan O'Grady

Learn how the Gottman Method helps couples reconnect ...

Read More

long distance relationship

Emotional Safety in Long-Distance Relationships

Jennifer Scott

Close the distance between you by using the tools you have to connect. ...

Read More

How You Can Improve Your Relationship with Exercise

How You Can Improve Your Relationship with Exercise

Kari Rusnak

Couples that work out together can stay together because they now have a ritual of connection that creates shared meaning. ...

Read More

Subscribe to Gottman Love Notes

Sign up and start your relationship transformation. Subscribe and get the latest on relationships, therapy, and much more from the experts. Includes a free download and access to special pricing on Gottman products every month