Ellie 's Posts

Build Bridges Of Trust

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

You can build trust with your partner with simple, everyday actions that show them you care and you're in this together.

The Trouble with Contempt

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Contempt to be the #1 predictor of divorce. What is contempt, and what makes this horseman the worst?

Accepting Responsibility

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

When it comes to your problems as a couple, ditch defensiveness and learn how to accept responsibility for your role. Here's how.

The Digital Age: Empathy In Utopia

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Regardless of age, the entanglement of virtual communication and social media is transforming our experience of reality. 

The Digital Age: A Sense Of Urgency

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Virtual communication seduces us, offering a myriad of momentary pleasures as the immediacy of response provides instant gratification.

The Digital Age: Invalidating Indifference

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

You may have heard the old adage, “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” In today’s cyberworld, children are being exposed to messages that teach them apathy, not empathy. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching Step V

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The fifth and final step of Emotion Coaching according to Dr. John Gottman is to set limits while helping your child to problem solve

The Digital Age: Communicating With Your Kids

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In theory, it seems obvious that human kindness is just as necessary online as offline. For some reason, when interacting with others on the web, this becomes easy to forget.

The Digital Age: Bringing Baby Home

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we are excited to feature a guest posting from Gottman Bringing Baby Home (BBH) Educator Kim Brickwood.

The Digital Age: Slowing Down

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In the Digital Age, kids may learn quick and easy relationship skills online, building rudimentary, occasionally fulfilling connections using virtual technology. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching Step II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

As Zach Brittle mentioned on Wednesday, the second step of Emotion Coaching, according to Dr. John Gottman, is to see your child’s expressions of emotion as opportunities for teaching and intimacy.

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching & Empathy Part II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

When it really comes down to it, empathy is about understanding someone else’s emotions.  The capacity for changing perspective and sharing another’s experience vicariously, as if you were in their place. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching & Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In last Friday’s posting on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we promised to dive into a deeper explanation of Emotion Coaching, reviewing strategies that you can use to build bonds of trust, respect, and mutual understanding with your kids.

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

To continue our last chapter of our series on relationships in the Digital Age, we’d like to introduce you (or reintroduce you!) to the basics of Emotion Coaching, Dr. Gottman’s five step program for raising emotionally intelligent kids.

The Digital Age: The Times, They Are A Changin’

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

With the coming of The Digital Age, our perspective on human connection has been transformed. The tech-revolution’s steadily increasing influence on our patterns of relating (or not relating) to each other often undermines our bonds with those we love.

The Digital Age: The Workplace

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The internet’s frequent intrusion into our personal lives is often fueled by (and blamed on) the unremitting demands of the workplace.

The Digital Age: Will We Ever Learn?

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Last week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we talked about the ubiquity of multitasking in the Digital Age and its contributions to our endlessly distractible, reliably forgetful, and attention-deficient modern world. 

The Digital Age: Life, Uninterrupted

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

At the end of our potentially alarming post on Wednesday, we promised to give you some ideas for avoiding the clutches of distraction in the Age of Distraction. 

The Digital Age: Your Stress Levels

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

This week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we turn our attention from self-esteem to stress. Researchers of cognitive psychology in Quebec, Canada exploring the effect of stress on our brains have found an important link:

The Digital Age: Self-Esteem

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In Monday's entry on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we promised to explore and address the reasons for specific difficulties you may be encountering in your relationships as a result of the Digital Age. 

The Digital Age: Two Realities

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Last week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we wrote about the necessity of making time for yourself in this increasingly busy-making (and often crazy-making!) age of technology. 

The Digital Age: How Has It Changed Your Life?

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In Monday’s posting on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we encouraged you to consider the significance of choices you make in the digital age – their effects not only on your relationships with others, but also with yourself.

The Digital Age: Long-Distance Relationships

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Over the last couple of weeks on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we have written much about the dangers of conducting intimate relationships in The Digital Age using modern communication technologies. 

The Digital Age: What’s Beneath the Conflict?

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In our last post on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we introduced the topic of Conflict in Cyberspace. Today, we would like to explore the subject in greater depth.

The Digital Age: Conflict in Cyberspace

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Last week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we launched our new series: Relationships in the Digital Age. We started off by investigating the basics of virtual communication in relationships, enumerating some of its risks and rewards.

The Digital Age: Weekend Homework Assignment

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. John Gottman has discovered many surprising things about relationships over the past four decades, sharing these findings with us in his books, lectures, conferences, and workshops. 

The Digital Age: The Price We Pay

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Technology is changing what it means to be "together." While communication is nearly effortless and instantaneous at any distance, it can be more difficult to connect with others. 

Emotional Attraction: Maintaining Connection in Conflict Discussions

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

We’ve spent the last two weeks on The Gottman Relationship Blog discussing emotional intimacy, sharing tools to keep the fire alive in your relationship over the long haul. This week, we feel that it would be pretty helpful to touch on its role in conflict and conflict discussions.

How to Practice Self-Soothing

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Remember: the ability to self-soothe is one of the most important skills you can learn. Practicing it can help you not only in romantic relationships, but in all other areas of your life.

The Four Horsemen: Contempt

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. It is the number one predictor of divorce, but it can be defeated.

The Four Horsemen: Criticism

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The first of the Four Horsemen, and likely the most common, is criticism.

The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The first step in effectively managing conflict is to identify and counteract The Four Horsemen when they arrive in your conflict discussions. Luckily, for every horseman there is an antidote, and you can learn how and when to use them below.

Physiological Self-Soothing

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Try something that may feel totally foreign in the heights of your distress: breathe.

Valentine’s Day: The Gottman Way

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to do something a little special with your partner, if you do it the Gottman way.

Create Shared Meaning: Suggestions from Dr. Gottman

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Instead of our usual Weekend Homework Assignment, today we would like to conclude The Sound Relationship House Series by sharing suggestions for Creating Shared Meaning from Dr. Gottman's celebrated book, The Relationship Cure

Create Shared Meaning: Rituals for the Family

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Creating shared meaning by establishing traditions and rituals of connection is not just for couples. You can bring your whole family together the same way!

Manage Conflict: Moving Forward

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

All couples face times of conflict in their relationship. With that said, it may come as a relief to hear the following: our research shows that the existence of conflict is not an omen portending the end of your relationship!

Manage Conflict: Identifying Your Triggers

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we continue Monday’s discussion of processing fights and regrettable incidents with some tips on how to identify and understand what triggers you and your partner. 

Manage Conflict: The Art of Compromise

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

We’ve all been in the middle of an argument that we know we cannot win, understanding that our frustration has overwhelmed all sense of perspective. 

Six Tips for the Six Skills of Managing Conflict

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Sometimes you need to build up to having effective communication in your partnership. Here are the smalls steps it takes to master conflict management.

Build a Culture of Appreciation

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Negative Sentiment Override can kill any appreciation you have for your partner. Learn how to develop an eye for your partner's good characteristics.

Love Quiz: Fondness and Admiration

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

If life chipped away at your fondness and admiration for each other, the route to bringing them back begins with realizing how valuable they are.

Date Night in a Jar

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

A stash of date night ideas can present fun surprises for you and your partner when you want alone time to connect.

How to Know Your Bids

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The first step to responding to bids is recognizing one when you see or hear it.

How to Set Goals for Self-Care

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Set goals, big and small, to take care of yourself and watch both you and your relationships get a boost of energy.

Building Trust In Stressful Times

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

If you establish positive rapport, you and your partner can make leaps and bounds towards the establishment of trust.

Mindfulness in Emotional Moments

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Watch how mindfulness allows you to increase your attention to mechanisms underlying the formation of stable, satisfying relationships. 

Expressing Compassion and Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Intimate conversation requires you to lean into your partner's pain before you offer advice or try to help.

Building Bridges

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

If partners build habits of turning towards each other in simple everyday moments, they build bridges of affection, fondness, and admiration.

The Zeigarnik Effect

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

A theory discovered in 1922 by a psychology student named Bluma Zeigarnik has an enormous capacity to destroy human relationships.

‘Sliding Door’ Moments

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Sliding door moments are the seemingly inconsequential everyday moments that make or break the most important relationships in our lives.

The Three Boxes

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Drs. John and Julie Gottman divides the behaviors of conversing couples into three clear boxes: Nice, Neutral, and Nasty.

Inside the Love Lab

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. Gottman’s research on trust is groundbreaking. Widely recognized as the world’s foremost researcher on marriage and relationships, his intuition and natural ease with people are not his only gifts. 

The Love Lab

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. Gottman opens his long-awaited book, What Makes Love Last?, with an unsettling anecdote about trust: suspecting his wife of cheating, one man crept outside in the morning before he left for work to draw chalk marks on his wife's rear tires.

Managing Conflict: Recognizing Gridlock

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

By using this simple checklist, you can determine whether or not you have reached total gridlock in any of those infuriatingly repetitive problems you may have in your relationship.

Emotion Coaching Step 1: Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Use Emotion Coaching and empathy in your conversations with your child, and see the differences it makes in difficult moments.

Parenting as Your Kids Grow Up

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Managing conflict well and being your child's emotion coach are just a few effective parenting tips from the Gottmans.

Love Map Building

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Learn the inner world of your partner by building love maps.