Ellie 's Posts

Build Bridges Of Trust

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

You can build trust with your partner with simple, everyday actions that show them you care and you're in this together.

Combat Stonewalling with Self-Care

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Nip stonewalling in the bud with a healthy alternative. The antidote to stonewalling is self-soothing.

The Trouble with Contempt

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Contempt to be the #1 predictor of divorce. What is contempt, and what makes this horseman the worst?

Accepting Responsibility

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

When it comes to your problems as a couple, ditch defensiveness and learn how to accept responsibility for your role. Here's how.

Self Care: The Four Horsemen

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In Monday’s post on The Gottman Relationship Blog, Zach Brittle took on two of Dr. Gottman’s 4 Horsemen – Contempt and Criticism – in a well articulated and compelling argument for personal accountability and compassion. Today, we invite you to consider Monday's post in the context of our current series on self care!

Ways To Turn Towards Your Friends

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we begin with a visualization exercise. Humor us by following these instructions: Stop and think about some of the happiest moments in your life.

Statements That Deepen Connection

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

When we talk to our closest friends about our problems, what we want most from them is their understanding and support.

Self-Care: Responsibility and Review!

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we'd like to share an article from The Huffington Post directly relating to our current theme: self care.

Homework Assignment: Thanksgiving Every Day

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

This week on the Gottman Relationship Blog, we've been talking about conflict and self care. Today, as promised on Wednesday, we bring you a related Weekend Homework Assignment written by Dr. John Gottman himself.

Arguments and Self-Care

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In Monday’s post on The Gottman Relationship Blog, Zach Brittle began his Relationship Alphabet column with the letter "A."

Homework Assignment: Self-Care (Who Am I?)

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we welcome you into 2014! We welcome you into a year filled with potential for finding and nurturing great love, warmth, and connection.

New Year’s Relationship Resolutions

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Happy New Year's Eve! Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we'd like to talk about New Year's Resolutions. 

Building Family Culture: Holiday Stories That Connect

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In his celebrated bestseller "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work," Dr. Gottman talks about the importance of tradition in building and maintaining a dynamic family culture: creating a set of customs (“like Sunday dinner out”), rituals (“like a champagne toast after the birth of each baby”), and myths (“the stories [family members can] tell themselves… that explain what it means to be a part of their group”).

Sliding Door Moments: The Holidays

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Happy belated Thanksgiving to all of our readers that celebrated over the weekend. We hope you had a good one! If you're enjoying family time and seeing friends, we hope that you’re feeling fulfilled and loved.

Turn Adversaries Into Allies: Be A Wreath

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

With Thanksgiving nearly upon us, we break from our regularly scheduled programming on The Gottman Relationship Blog to share an article from The Huffington Post featuring our 5:1 ratio for happy partnerships.

The Digital Age: Empathy In Utopia

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Regardless of age, the entanglement of virtual communication and social media is transforming our experience of reality. 

The Digital Age: A Sense Of Urgency

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Virtual communication seduces us, offering a myriad of momentary pleasures as the immediacy of response provides instant gratification.

The Digital Age: Invalidating Indifference

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

You may have heard the old adage, “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” In today’s cyberworld, children are being exposed to messages that teach them apathy, not empathy. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching Step V

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The fifth and final step of Emotion Coaching according to Dr. John Gottman is to set limits while helping your child to problem solve

The Digital Age: Communicating With Your Kids

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In theory, it seems obvious that human kindness is just as necessary online as offline. For some reason, when interacting with others on the web, this becomes easy to forget.

The Digital Age: Bringing Baby Home

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we are excited to feature a guest posting from Gottman Bringing Baby Home (BBH) Educator Kim Brickwood.

The Digital Age: Slowing Down

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In the Digital Age, kids may learn quick and easy relationship skills online, building rudimentary, occasionally fulfilling connections using virtual technology. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching Step II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

As Zach Brittle mentioned on Wednesday, the second step of Emotion Coaching, according to Dr. John Gottman, is to see your child’s expressions of emotion as opportunities for teaching and intimacy.

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching & Empathy Part II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

When it really comes down to it, empathy is about understanding someone else’s emotions.  The capacity for changing perspective and sharing another’s experience vicariously, as if you were in their place. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching & Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In last Friday’s posting on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we promised to dive into a deeper explanation of Emotion Coaching, reviewing strategies that you can use to build bonds of trust, respect, and mutual understanding with your kids.

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

To continue our last chapter of our series on relationships in the Digital Age, we’d like to introduce you (or reintroduce you!) to the basics of Emotion Coaching, Dr. Gottman’s five step program for raising emotionally intelligent kids.

The Digital Age: Two Realities

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

You want to strike a balance or overcome the split between the online and offline parts of your life. Here's how.

The Digital Age: Who Am I?

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

To truly know your partner, especially in the Digital Age, it is necessary to first know yourself.

Homework Assignment: Choosing Better

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Choose to connect with the people in the room instead of connecting through technology. Here are ways to do just that.

The Digital Age: What’s Beneath the Conflict?

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In our last post on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we introduced the topic of Conflict in Cyberspace. Today, we would like to explore the subject in greater depth.

Timeless Tips for Sleeping Well

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Research indicates that a sleepless night is associated with greater relationship conflict the following day.

Bringing Baby Home: The Research

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In sixteen studies conducted on parents before and after their baby’s birth, Drs. John and Julie Gottman discovered the following.

Summer Romance: Turning Towards

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Turning towards one another can be easy in the summer months with these outdoor activities you can do with your partner.

How to Practice Self-Soothing

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Remember: the ability to self-soothe is one of the most important skills you can learn. Practicing it can help you not only in romantic relationships, but in all other areas of your life.

The Four Horsemen: Contempt

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. It is the number one predictor of divorce, but it can be defeated.

The Four Horsemen: Criticism

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The first of the Four Horsemen, and likely the most common, is criticism.

The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Luckily, for every Horseman of the Apocalypse, there is an antidote, and you can learn how and when to use them below.

The Workplace: Things To Do Together

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

All of these activities are great ways to form or strengthen the emotional connection in the workplace. Try them out or make up your own.

Homework Assignment: Spring Cleaning

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Spring clean your marriage and refresh the love with these tips based on years of research from The Gottman Institute.

Physiological Self-Soothing

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Try something that may feel totally foreign in the heights of your distress: breathe.

Valentine’s Day: The Gottman Way

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to do something a little special with your partner, if you do it the Gottman way.

Make Life Dreams Come True: Self-Discovery

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Follow this exercise where you play both the speaker and the listener to share the source behind conflict: life dreams and goals!

Manage Conflict: Moving Forward

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The real predictor of a relationship’s failure is a couple’s inability to manage conflict in a healthy manner and to move forward.

Manage Conflict: Identifying Your Triggers

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Working on understanding each other’s triggers is one of the most important things that you can do to avoid hurting one another.

Manage Conflict: The Aftermath of a Fight

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

When you make repair attempts early, you can salvage the point of the conversation and create a more productive and positive outcome.

Homework Assignment: Compromise

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Many couples fail to compromise on issues because they go about trying to compromise in the wrong way.

Manage Conflict: The Art of Compromise

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

We’ve all been in the middle of an argument that we know we cannot win, understanding that our frustration has overwhelmed all sense of perspective. 

Six Tips for the Six Skills of Managing Conflict

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Sometimes you need to build up to having effective communication in your partnership. Here are the smalls steps it takes to master conflict management.

Build a Culture of Appreciation

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Negative Sentiment Override can kill any appreciation you have for your partner. Learn how to develop an eye for your partner's good characteristics.

Love Quiz: Fondness and Admiration

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

If life chipped away at your fondness and admiration for each other, the route to bringing them back begins with realizing how valuable they are.

Date Night in a Jar

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

A stash of date night ideas can present fun surprises for you and your partner when you want alone time to connect.

How to Know Your Bids

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The first step to responding to bids is recognizing one when you see or hear it.

How to Set Goals for Self-Care

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Set goals, big and small, to take care of yourself and watch both you and your relationships get a boost of energy.

Building Trust In Stressful Times

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

If you establish positive rapport, you and your partner can make leaps and bounds towards the establishment of trust.

Mindfulness in Emotional Moments

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Watch how mindfulness allows you to increase your attention to mechanisms underlying the formation of stable, satisfying relationships. 

Expressing Compassion and Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Intimate conversation requires you to lean into your partner's pain before you offer advice or try to help.

Building Bridges

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

If partners build habits of turning towards each other in simple everyday moments, they build bridges of affection, fondness, and admiration.

The Zeigarnik Effect

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

A theory discovered in 1922 by a psychology student named Bluma Zeigarnik has an enormous capacity to destroy human relationships.

‘Sliding Door’ Moments

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Sliding door moments are the seemingly inconsequential everyday moments that make or break the most important relationships in our lives.

The Three Boxes

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Drs. John and Julie Gottman divides the behaviors of conversing couples into three clear boxes: Nice, Neutral, and Nasty.

Inside the Love Lab

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. Gottman’s research on trust is groundbreaking. Widely recognized as the world’s foremost researcher on marriage and relationships, his intuition and natural ease with people are not his only gifts. 

The Love Lab

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. Gottman opens his long-awaited book, What Makes Love Last?, with an unsettling anecdote about trust: suspecting his wife of cheating, one man crept outside in the morning before he left for work to draw chalk marks on his wife's rear tires.

Managing Conflict: Recognizing Gridlock

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

By using this simple checklist, you can determine whether or not you have reached total gridlock in any of those infuriatingly repetitive problems you may have in your relationship.

Emotion Coaching Step 1: Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Use Emotion Coaching and empathy in your conversations with your child, and see the differences it makes in difficult moments.

Parenting as Your Kids Grow Up

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Managing conflict well and being your child's emotion coach are just a few effective parenting tips from the Gottmans.

Love Map Building

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Learn the inner world of your partner by building love maps.