Ellie 's Posts

The Digital Age: Empathy In Utopia

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Regardless of age, the entanglement of virtual communication and social media is transforming our experience of reality. 

The Digital Age: A Sense Of Urgency

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Virtual communication seduces us, offering a myriad of momentary pleasures as the immediacy of response provides instant gratification.

The Digital Age: Invalidating Indifference

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

You may have heard the old adage, “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” In today’s cyberworld, children are being exposed to messages that teach them apathy, not empathy. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching Step V

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The fifth and final step of Emotion Coaching according to Dr. John Gottman is to set limits while helping your child to problem solve

The Digital Age: Communicating With Your Kids

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In theory, it seems obvious that human kindness is just as necessary online as offline. For some reason, when interacting with others on the web, this becomes easy to forget.

The Digital Age: Bringing Baby Home

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we are excited to feature a guest posting from Gottman Bringing Baby Home (BBH) Educator Kim Brickwood.

The Digital Age: Slowing Down

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In the Digital Age, kids may learn quick and easy relationship skills online, building rudimentary, occasionally fulfilling connections using virtual technology. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching Step II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

As Zach Brittle mentioned on Wednesday, the second step of Emotion Coaching, according to Dr. John Gottman, is to see your child’s expressions of emotion as opportunities for teaching and intimacy.

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching & Empathy Part II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

When it really comes down to it, empathy is about understanding someone else’s emotions.  The capacity for changing perspective and sharing another’s experience vicariously, as if you were in their place. 

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching & Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In last Friday’s posting on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we promised to dive into a deeper explanation of Emotion Coaching, reviewing strategies that you can use to build bonds of trust, respect, and mutual understanding with your kids.

The Digital Age: Emotion Coaching

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

To continue our last chapter of our series on relationships in the Digital Age, we’d like to introduce you (or reintroduce you!) to the basics of Emotion Coaching, Dr. Gottman’s five step program for raising emotionally intelligent kids.

The Digital Age: The Times, They Are A Changin’

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

With the coming of The Digital Age, our perspective on human connection has been transformed. The tech-revolution’s steadily increasing influence on our patterns of relating (or not relating) to each other often undermines our bonds with those we love.

The Digital Age: The Workplace

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The internet’s frequent intrusion into our personal lives is often fueled by (and blamed on) the unremitting demands of the workplace.

The Digital Age: Will We Ever Learn?

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Last week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we talked about the ubiquity of multitasking in the Digital Age and its contributions to our endlessly distractible, reliably forgetful, and attention-deficient modern world. 

The Digital Age: Life, Uninterrupted

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

At the end of our potentially alarming post on Wednesday, we promised to give you some ideas for avoiding the clutches of distraction in the Age of Distraction. 

The Digital Age: Your Stress Levels

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

This week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we turn our attention from self-esteem to stress. Researchers of cognitive psychology in Quebec, Canada exploring the effect of stress on our brains have found an important link:

The Digital Age: Self-Esteem

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In Monday's entry on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we promised to explore and address the reasons for specific difficulties you may be encountering in your relationships as a result of the Digital Age. 

The Digital Age: Two Realities

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Last week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we wrote about the necessity of making time for yourself in this increasingly busy-making (and often crazy-making!) age of technology. 

The Digital Age: How Has It Changed Your Life?

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In Monday’s posting on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we encouraged you to consider the significance of choices you make in the digital age – their effects not only on your relationships with others, but also with yourself.

The Digital Age: Long-Distance Relationships

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Over the last couple of weeks on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we have written much about the dangers of conducting intimate relationships in The Digital Age using modern communication technologies. 

The Digital Age: What’s Beneath the Conflict?

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In our last post on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we introduced the topic of Conflict in Cyberspace. Today, we would like to explore the subject in greater depth.

The Digital Age: Conflict in Cyberspace

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Last week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we launched our new series: Relationships in the Digital Age. We started off by investigating the basics of virtual communication in relationships, enumerating some of its risks and rewards.

The Digital Age: Weekend Homework Assignment

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. John Gottman has discovered many surprising things about relationships over the past four decades, sharing these findings with us in his books, lectures, conferences, and workshops. 

The Digital Age: The Price We Pay

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Technology is changing what it means to be "together." While communication is nearly effortless and instantaneous at any distance, it can be more difficult to connect with others. 

The Four Horsemen: Stonewalling Part II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

On Monday we introduced Stonewalling, Dr. Gottman’s fourth and fina horseman. It is our goal this week to help you understand this particularly destructive communication style and learn to manage it.

The Four Horsemen: Contempt Weekend Homework Assignment

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we would like to continue Wednesday's discussion on Fondness and Admiration, which are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance.

Four Horsemen: Contempt Part II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we would like to continue Monday's discussion on Horseman #3 Contempt.

The Four Horsemen: Contempt

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. In Dr. Gottman’s four decades of research, he has found it to be the #1 predictor of divorce.

The Four Horsemen: Defensiveness & Blind Spots

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Happy Friday! We hope you have learned a lot about Defensiveness and its antidote in this week's postings. Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we would like to take the opportunity to share an excerpt from an article which cites our research.

The Four Horsemen: Defensiveness Part II

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In healthy relationships, partners don’t get defensive when discussing an area of conflict. According to Dr. Gottman, they instead take responsibility for their role in the issue and express an interest in their partner's feelings.

The Four Horsemen: Criticism

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

This week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we will continue The Four Horsemen series by digging deeper into the first horseman of the apocalypse: criticism.

The Four Horsemen: Introduction

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we are excited to introduce a brand-new 5 week series on The Four Horsemen!

Create Shared Meaning: Suggestions from Dr. Gottman

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Instead of our usual Weekend Homework Assignment, today we would like to conclude The Sound Relationship House Series by sharing suggestions for Creating Shared Meaning from Dr. Gottman's celebrated book, The Relationship Cure

Create Shared Meaning: Rituals for the Family

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Creating shared meaning by establishing traditions and  rituals of connection is not just for couples – you can bring your whole family together in much the same way!

Create Shared Meaning: Examining Your Rituals

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we are excited to introduce the final level in The Sound Relationship House Series: Create Shared Meaning.

Make Life Dreams Come True: Trusting Each Other

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we’d like to end our discussion of Dreams Within Conflict by sharing Dr. Gottman’s words on trusting our process and offering support to each other.

Make Life Dreams Come True: Self-Discovery

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Perpetual gridlocked problems between you and your partner often conceal underlying feelings and dreams that aren’t getting communicated.

Manage Conflict: Moving Forward

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

All couples face times of conflict in their relationship. With that said, it may come as a relief to hear the following: our research shows that the existence of conflict is not an omen portending the end of your relationship!

Manage Conflict: Triggers

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we continue Monday’s discussion of processing fights and regrettable incidents with some tips on how to identify and understand what triggers you and your partner. 

Manage Conflict: The Aftermath of a Fight

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Before we continue on with The Sound Relationship House Series and move to Make Life Dreams Come True, the level above Manage Conflict, we want to spend some time this week discussing what to do in the aftermath of a fight or regrettable incident.

Manage Conflict: The Art of Compromise

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

We’ve all been in the middle of an argument that we know we cannot win, understanding that our frustration has overwhelmed all sense of perspective. 

Manage Conflict: Repair and De–Escalate

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In the entry on “Making Up” in Greenburg and O’Malley’s tongue in cheek handbook for avoiding love and marriage, the following points to consider when resolving a fight are given: 

Manage Conflict: The Six Skills

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on the Gottman Relationship Blog, we continue the discussion of Manage Conflict by introducing Dr. Gottman's  six skills of conflict management.

The Positive Perspective: More on the 5:1 Ratio

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

In 1974, an important book was published by Harold Raush. It was the first observational longitudinal study to use sequential analysis of interaction in relationship conflict styles.

Fondness and Admiration: Assessment

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

According to our research, fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance.

The Sound Relationship House: Build Love Maps

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Today on the Gottman Relationship Blog, we are happy to announce the beginning of a new seven-week series: "The Sound Relationship House!"

Expressing Compassion and Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The fourth and final key to maintaining intimacy in conversations with your partner is to express compassion and empathy when he or she is upset.

Intimate Conversations and Collective Monologue

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

When we are afraid of the possible consequences, we cannot trust our partners to listen and fully support us - especially not when it comes to our deepest feelings, hopes, or dreams.

Building Bridges

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

As many of us know all too well, trust begins and ends with emotional communication.

The Zeigarnik Effect

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

The dynamics of flowcharts, mathematical models, and interpretations for detailed experimental results on trust - a subject that has barely been touched by scientists - are foreign to most of us.

Negative Sentiment Override and Quiz

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

University of Oregon emeritus psychologist Robert Weiss coined the term “Negative Sentiment Override” (NSO) for the emergence of troubling patterns in which trust has been broken in relationships.

Sliding Door Moments

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Following over 35 years of research, Dr. Gottman has discovered something very surprising. He now understands  something that is counter-intuitive to many of us. 

The Three Boxes

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

After spending decades researching the intersections between behavioral economics and relationship psychology, Dr. John Gottman has made a number of incredible discoveries about relationships. 

Inside the Love Lab

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. Gottman’s research on trust is groundbreaking. Widely recognized as the world’s foremost researcher on marriage and relationships, his intuition and natural ease with people are not his only gifts. 

The Love Lab

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. Gottman opens his long-awaited book, What Makes Love Last?, with an unsettling anecdote about trust: suspecting his wife of cheating, one man crept outside in the morning before he left for work to draw chalk marks on his wife's rear tires.

Emotion Coaching Steps 1 & 2

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Remember, these tips are not for “one-week-only” use AND they are not “sold separately.”

Emotion Coaching Step 1: Empathy

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Dr. John Gottman describes children who have non-emotion coaching parents as growing up in a “make believe home.”

An Introduction to Emotion Coaching

Ellie Lisitsa  //  

Many books on parenting seem to take a great deal of “evidence” from popular myths, common misconceptions, and personal anecdotes.