We are excited to announce that in anticipation of the launch of Dr. Gottman’s new book What Makes Love Last? on September 4th, we will be spending the next five weeks exploring deeper into this long-awaited and much anticipated release from the nation’s pre-eminent researcher on marriage!
Dr. John Gottman has spent decades observing the conversational patterns and biorhythms of thousands and thousands of couples in his famous “Love Lab.” Now he applies this research to fundamental questions about trust and betrayal. Doubts are common in relationships. Partners often worry. Can I trust my partner? Am I being betrayed? How do I know for sure? Based on laboratory findings, this book will show readers how to identify signs, behaviors, and attitudes that indicate betrayal— whether sexual or not – and will provide strategies for repairing what may seem lost or broken. With a gift for translating complex scientific ideas into insightful and practical advice, Dr. Gottman explains how a couple can protect or recover their greatest gift – their love for one another.
In What Makes Love Last?, Dr. Gottman shows how trust can save and extend life by explaining the health implications of trust and distrust, including the way trust and distrust impacts the brain as well as the endocrine, cardiovascular, and automic nervous sytems. Readers will also learn that the dynamics of betrayal are quite separate from those of trust. Learn how betrayal happens, how to avoid it, and how to heal from it.
Readers will also gain tools for making conflict constructive and for building trust and intimacy. John demonstrates how our “sliding door moments” can either help couples build an emotional connection or make them turn away and create an emotional injury. By demonstrating how love is most commonly betrayed, he shows how to heal a relationship from betrayal and also helps readers to measure their own personal “Love Quotient.” These are all topics that we will be covering on the Gottman Relationship Blog in the coming weeks.
We are excited to share this early book review by Publishers Weekly:
“Gottman and Silver (coauthors of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) bring the quantitative, physiological metrics-based methods pioneered in Gottman’s “Love Lab” at the University of Washington to the topics of trust, betrayal, and infidelity. In an easy-to-understand format full of anecdotes, imaginary dialogues, and analogies to game theory, Gottman explains lack of trust in a relationship as a deficit of attunement, positing that once the body becomes “flooded” by physiological stress reactions, attempts to repair communication fail. He explains betrayal as a logical outcome of a pattern in which partners fail to communicate their discontent, one partner becomes untrustworthy and makes negative comparisons between the partner and some other person or situation, and the injured partner seeks solace elsewhere. Though clear that there are various types of betrayal (e.g., absenteeism, making coalitions against a partner, and lying), much of the book covers communicating about and renewing sexuality as both a method for and a result of better attunement between partners. The practical tools to evaluate current relationships and step-by-step methods for avoiding betrayal, repairing relationships heading toward crisis, or healing a relationship after a crisis will be useful to couples who want to look honestly at healing chronic hurts and improving the state of their relationship, and are ready for a system to help them.”
On Wednesday, we will explain the work done by Dr. Gottman at famous his University of Washington “Love Lab.”
Countdown to WMLL Release: 36 days