0

How Well Do You Connect Emotionally With Your Partner?

Turning toward your partner is the foundation of trust, emotional connection, and passionate sex.

Share this post:

In every relationship, couples periodically make what Dr. John Gottman calls “bids” for each other’s attention, affection, or support. Bids can be as insignificant as “please turn down the heat” to as significant as helping a partner care for a sick child. This relationship quiz has been designed to assess the current state of connection in your relationship and help you understand how well you connect emotionally.

In these moments, you have a choice to turn toward your partner or away from them. If you turn toward, you build trust and emotional connection.

Turning toward your partner in these seemingly unimportant moments is the foundation of trust, emotional connection, and passionate sex. Dr. Gottman often jokes that “everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay.” Foreplay happens in the grocery store when your partner asks, “Do we have milk?” and you respond, “I’m not sure. I’ll grab some,” rather than shrugging your shoulders apathetically.

In a six-year study of newlyweds, Dr. Gottman found that couples who remained married had turned toward their partner’s bids 86% of the time in his lab, while those who divorced turned towards each other only 33% of the time.

The number one thing couples fight about is not money or in-laws or sex. According to Dr. Gottman, most arguments in relationships are about a failure to connect emotionally.

Would you respond true or false to questions like these?

  • I look forward to spending my free time with my partner.
  • At the end of the day, my partner is glad to see me.
  • I really enjoy discussing things with my partner.
  • My partner is one of my best friends.
  • My partner and I have a lot of fun together.
  • My partner tells me when he or she has had a bad day.
  • We tend to share the same basic values.
  • We have many of the same dreams and goals.
  • Even though our interests are somewhat different, I enjoy my partner’s interests.
  • Whatever we do together, we tend to have a good time.

How can you know you connect emotionally and are in a happy relationship that’s both good for your health and everyone around you? Can such a thing be measured?

The Gottman Relationship Adviser, the world’s first complete relationship wellness tool for couples, takes the guesswork out of improving your relationship. Measure your relationship health with a research-based self-assessment, then receive a tailored digital relationship plan proven to heal and strengthen your connection.  Start building a happier relationship today!

For an in-depth analysis of your relationship health, check out the Gottman Assessment, a virtual relationship evaluation tool for couples.


 

Sign up for the Love Notes Newsletter

Get the latest on relationships, parenting, therapy and more from the experts at The Gottman Institute, plus get a FREE download every month!

Share this post:

Kyle is a couples therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.  He loves nerding out on the science of relationships. When not highlighting research on a Sunday morning in his bathrobe, Kyle enjoys writing for his blog Kylebenson.net where he takes the research on successful relationships and transforms them into practical tools for romantic partners.

Recommended products

Related posts

How Much Do Your Trust Your Partner

Love Quiz: Do You Trust Your Partner?

Kyle Benson

Dr. Gottman has established a way to mathematically evaluate trust in a relationship. ...

Read More

Love Quiz: Do You and Your Partner Have Shared Goals?

Kyle Benson

When you share goals, you create new meaning for your relationship. ...

Read More

Love Quiz: How Well Do You Repair Your Relationship?

Kyle Benson

All couples argue. Successful couples repair. ...

Read More

How Positively Do You View Your Partner

Love Quiz: How Positively Do You View Your Partner?

Kyle Benson

Access the level of positivity in your relationship. ...

Read More

How Much do You Admire and Respect Your Partner

Love Quiz: How Much Do You Admire and Respect Your Partner?

Kyle Benson

Assess the state of your fondness and admiration system. ...

Read More

is it time to leave your relationship

Love Quiz: Is It Time to Leave Your Relationship?

Kyle Benson

When asked what advice he would give his younger self, Dr. Gottman said “Get out of bad relationships sooner.” ...

Read More

Subscribe to Gottman Love Notes

Sign up and start your relationship transformation. Subscribe and get the latest on relationships, therapy, and much more from the experts. Includes a free download and access to special pricing on Gottman products every month