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Reboot Your Relationship in Four Easy Steps

Dr. Cheryl Fraser explains four simple ways to bring your relationship back to life.

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“I love him, but I’m not IN love with him anymore. What can I do?”

Shaunda, like so many other couples in my online immersion program, feels guilty, frustrated, and alone. So, the first thing I do is reassure her that she is in very good company. So many couples report marital boredom. They wish they could feel more excitement, more attraction, more fun.

Just like a vegetable garden, love that isn’t nurtured doesn’t thrive. 

Don’t take my word for it; take the word of couples like you. I recently surveyed 2,500 couples that joined my free class on the Three Keys to Passion. More than half of them said they were bored with their relationship, and only 8% said they had a great sex life. Ouch. The majority reported that while they loved their partner, the thrill, the romance, and even a lot of the everyday fun and playfulness were gone.

Okay, if the majority of long-term couples neglect their romantic life, what can be done to re-ignite it?

In the last video blog, I challenged each of you to create a sexy, romantic Valentine’s Date that included elements of the Three Keys to Passion. A special date is a great way to start reigniting romance. But what happens after Valentine’s Day? 

Watch this new video where I share how to reboot your stale relationship. 

In this short teaching, I challenge you to spend just five minutes a day on each of the following four actions

  • Touch
  • Talk 
  • Tease
  • Tantalize

I invite you to decide to make love intentional for this month-long challenge.

Why? Because great habits predict success. When you want to thrive at work, in your fitness, and at your hobbies, you invest time and energy. You train. Yet all too often couples leave their romantic relationship on the back burner. 

They wish they could feel more excitement, more attraction, more fun. They are not looking to break up. They are not seeking an affair. But they feel like roommates, not lovers.

They settle for fine.


How can you know you’re in a happy relationship that’s both good for your health and everyone around you? Can such a thing be measured? It can! Take this quiz and find out how well you know your partner.

For an in-depth analysis of your relationship health check out the Gottman Assessment, a virtual relationship evaluation tool for couples. This self-assessment tool provides you with a full snapshot of your relationship satisfaction, outlines your strengths and weaknesses, and supplies tailored recommendations for improvement. Start building a happier relationship today!


Ugh. Heck, if your gingersnap cookie is stale, I want you to send it back. When your relationship gets stale, please choose to take action to change that. Why? Because fine is a very low bar.

Great couples make their relationship a priority 365 days a year (okay, maybe they don’t manage to make love intentional every single day…but they certainly don’t simply wait for special occasions to remind them to make their sweetheart a priority). 

And making a habit of loving actions actually works. For example, research shows that couples that regularly share appreciations feel more happiness and closeness. In this video, I share the beautiful story of one couple in my program. Her description of why she loves and admires her husband’s generous compassionate nature made me cry. I bet it will touch your heart, too.

Great couples also keep the spark of anticipation alive.  They prioritize hugs and sensual touch. They make an effort to bring the “In Love” back to the Love. They touch, talk, tease, and tantalize.

So let’s do this. Four steps, five minutes a day for each.

Isn’t your relationship worth twenty minutes a day?

Of course, it is. That’s why you are reading this. And I applaud you for it.

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Sharp, frank and fearless, that’s Buddhist sex therapist, psychologist, author, and speaker Dr. Cheryl Fraser. With a rare combination of academic credibility, humor, straight talk, and life-changing advice, she has helped thousands of couples jumpstart their love life and create passion that lasts a lifetime.  She has taught for Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield, appeared on television and podcasts, and writes about love and sex for magazines. Dr. Cheryl’s online immersion program for couples Become Passion brings her work to your own living room. Learn more and get on the waitlist. Listen to her podcast Sex, Love & Elephants here. Her book Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy is available now. For more information or to sign up for weekly LoveBytes, visit her website and check out her videos on YouTube.

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