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Men’s Tears: From Odysseus to Modern Day

How men can learn to navigate the stormy seas of emotion

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Sad man feeling depressed and crying

In Homer’s Odyssey, composed around the 8th century BCE, we encounter the quintessential masculine hero, Odysseus. A decorated veteran of the Trojan War, he finds himself “imprisoned” in luxury on Calypso’s island. Despite the material comforts surrounding him, Odysseus is inconsolable, weeping as he longs for his wife and son.

Fast forward to the 21st century where despite increased awareness of mental health issues, there still exists considerable stigma. Mental health challenges are not a modern phenomenon, nor are they exclusive to any gender. Yet, in today’s world men continue to face unique obstacles when it comes to addressing their mental health.

Landscape of Men’s Mental Health

Recent statistics paint a sobering picture. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 6 million men in the United States experience depression each year. Even more alarmingly, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reports that men die by suicide at a rate 3.63 times higher than women. These numbers underscore a critical need for attention to men’s mental health.

But why do men seem to struggle more with seeking help? Cultural expectations and societal norms often play a significant role. Many men have been conditioned to believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness, leading to what psychologists call “emotional dismissiveness.” This mindset can create barriers to acknowledging mental health concerns and seeking support.

The good news is that change is possible, and it often begins with relationships. Strong connections – be they romantic partnerships, friendships, or professional networks – can provide men with the support and understanding they need to navigate their emotional landscapes.

Research has consistently shown that men with robust social support systems are better equipped to handle stress, anxiety, and depression. A study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health found that men who reported higher levels of social support were less likely to experience depressive symptoms. Moreover, those who felt comfortable discussing their emotions with friends or partners showed greater resilience in the face of mental health challenges.

Learning the vocabulary

This is where the work of Dr. John Gottman comes into play. His relationship-focused approach helps men (and their partners) navigate the complexities of emotion and provide tools to develop a richer emotional vocabulary. By learning to identify and express a wider range of emotions, men can break free from the stigma of emotional expressiveness often associated with traditional masculinity. With a more nuanced emotional vocabulary it turns out it is easier to forge deeper, more meaningful connections.

Gottman’s research-based techniques and practical exercises include helping people:

  • Recognize and name different emotional states
  • Communicate feelings effectively without fear of judgment
  • Listen actively and empathetically to others
  • Develop strategies for managing difficult emotions
  • Build a deeper connection with others

By mastering these skills, men can create a positive feedback loop: as they become more comfortable expressing their emotions, they’re likely to experience improved mental health, which in turn strengthens their relationships and support networks.

Expressing Emotion

It’s important to remember that seeking help and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness – they are indicators of strength and self-awareness.

As we observe Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s challenge the outdated notions that have kept men silent for too long. By fostering open dialogue, providing support and equipping men with the tools they need to navigate their emotional lives, we can create a world where every man feels empowered to seek help, express himself fully and ultimately thrive.

In the end, true strength lies not in stoic silence, but in the courage to reach out, connect and embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. It’s time we redefine what it means to be a “strong man” – one who is not afraid to cry, to seek help or to lean on others when needed. In doing so, we pave the way for healthier individuals, stronger relationships and a more compassionate society for all.

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Alexander Elguren wrote this article as part of Gottman Inc’s Editorial Team. The team is composed of staff members who contribute to Gottman Inc’s overall message. It is our mission to reach out to individuals, couples, and families in order to help create and maintain greater love and health in relationships.

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