Is My Partner a Narcissist?

The answer is probably ‘no’ since only .5%- 5% of the population is actually diagnosed with Narcissist Personality Disorder, but many people do exhibit narcissist-like behavior. This behavior can be very challenging in relationships and has a negative impact on your health and wellbeing.

Relationships are complex and require a delicate balance of emotional intelligence, trust, and mutual respect. However, when one partner exhibits narcissistic traits, maintaining this balance becomes significantly more challenging and can hinder genuine intimacy and connection in a relationship.

First what does narcissism look like?

Here are some traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

• • Sense of self-importance

• • Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success

• • Entitled

• • Can only be around people who are important or special

• • Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain

• • Arrogant

• • Lack empathy

• • Must be admired

• • Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them

Narcissistic behavior in relationships

According to Certified Gottman Therapist Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, this is how narcissistic behaviors show up in a relationship:

• • Passive aggressive behaviors

• • Shut down and stonewalling

• • Withholding sex

• • Gaslighting

• • Anger

• • High conflict

• • Boundary crossing

• • Persistent and ongoing flooding

• • Unwilling to apologize or take responsibility

The role of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions and those of others, is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. It fosters empathy, effective communication, and conflict resolution which are necessary components for a successful relationship. However, in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits, these crucial aspects are undermined.

Lack of emotional intelligence blocks the ability to form deep and meaningful connections. Their focus on self-interest and disregard for their partner’s emotional needs leads to a breakdown in communication and trust. This emotional disconnect can cause significant distress for their partner.

It can be hard to change the relationship dynamics when narcissistic behaviors are present. Usually these behaviors started early in life and have become part of their personality. Social media reinforces such behavior and it is often not only considered socially acceptable but even praised. Changing the behavior requires a willingness to be vulnerable without defensiveness and to show empathy towards their partner.

Strategies for dealing with narcissistic behavior

Establish boundaries:

It is important to set boundaries to protect ourselves and to be proactive about the things within our sphere of control. We are setting clear limits about what we will accept versus trying to change another person’s behavior.

Support and self care:

Having a strong social support system can be helpful. Meaningful connections with friends and family are important to maintain. Often times the narcissistic partner becomes isolated which can lead to depression and a feeling of being stuck in the relationship.

Professional help:

Seeking out help from a therapist is brave and can be a good step towards being healthy and protecting your well being.

Finally if both partners are invested in working on the relationship there are Gottman interventions that are effective. Because narcissistic behaviors are so challenging, they will likely need a Gottman trained therapist to work with them. So if your partner is a narcissist or exhibits narcissistic behaviors, it is important that you get the support you both need to have a healthy relationship.