After studying thousands of couples in his “Love Lab,” Dr. John Gottman discovered that almost all of the issues discussed in conflict conversations boiled down to the same recurring questions about trust:
- “Will you be there for me?”
- “Will you choose me over your friends?”
- “Will you stay faithful to me?”
Using the precepts of game theory, Dr. Gottman has been able to develop formulas to calculate the trust level in relationships. Among these equations is what he calls a couple’s trust metric—an indication of the partners’ faith in each other.
Additionally, Dr. Gottman computed a betrayal metric that calculates how unwilling each partner is to sacrifice for the other and the relationship. If a couple’s betrayal metric is high, they are at risk for infidelity or other serious disloyalty.
You don’t need a mathematical equation or a couples therapist to know that trust is good for a relationship and betrayal is bad. With that said, do you know how strong the trust level is in your relationship?
The following brief quiz will give you a snapshot of your relationship’s trust metric. Calculating your trust metric you will provide a foundation for talking about what is working in your relationship and what needs some attention.
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