My Account
0

Deepening Connections

Integrating Internal Family Systems and Gottman Principles for Healthier Relationships
Photo of a couple in a healthy relationship

Relationships are complex and require constant effort to maintain and improve. However, by integrating the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model and Gottman principles, couples can cultivate greater self-awareness, empathy, and communication skills to deepen their connection and build a healthier relationship. In this article, we will explore how these two approaches can complement each other and provide practical tools for couples to enhance their relationship.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model is a therapeutic approach that has gained popularity throughout recent years. It’s a model that helps individuals better understand their internal landscape and the different parts of themselves. It assumes that everyone has various “parts” within themselves, and these parts interact with each other to shape their emotions, behavior, and beliefs. For instance, a person may have a part that is critical of themselves, while another part wants to be kind and compassionate. At the heart of IFS is the idea that individuals have a “Self” or a core essence that is fundamentally good, curious, and compassionate. However, this Self can become obscured or overwhelmed by the presence of “parts” that are more reactive, defensive, or protective. These parts may be formed as a result of traumatic experiences, societal messages, or other external factors. IFS aims to help individuals identify and work with these parts to cultivate inner harmony and balance.

Gottman Principles

Dr. John Gottman is a renowned psychologist and relationship expert who has studied couples for decades. His research has identified key principles for building and maintaining a healthy relationship. These principles include developing effective communication skills, managing conflict constructively, building intimacy and connection, and creating shared meaning.

Combining IFS and Gottman Principles

By combining the IFS model and Gottman principles, couples can deepen their understanding of themselves and each other, improve communication, and develop practical skills to manage conflicts and build a more fulfilling relationship. Here are some ways that IFS and Gottman’s principles can be integrated:

  1. Identify and work with your parts

The first step in integrating IFS and Gottman’s principles is to identify and work with your internal parts. This involves learning to recognize when different parts of yourself are activated, and understanding how they influence your behavior and emotions. For instance, you may have a part that becomes defensive or engages in the Four Horsemen that Gottman discusses, when your partner gives you feedback. By recognizing and working with this part, you can learn to listen more openly and respond more constructively.

  1. Develop effective communication skills

Gottman method emphasizes the importance of effective communication in building a healthy relationship. By learning to listen actively, express your needs clearly, and respond empathetically, couples can enhance their understanding of each other and build deeper connections. IFS can complement this approach by helping individuals identify and communicate their different parts, allowing them to express themselves more authentically and effectively.

  1. Manage conflict constructively

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how couples manage it can make all the difference. Gottman’s principles emphasize the importance of managing conflicts constructively, by learning to approach disagreements with curiosity and empathy, rather than defensiveness or criticism. IFS can help couples understand the different parts of themselves that are triggered in conflict, allowing them to respond more mindfully and compassionately.

  1. Build intimacy and connection

Developing intimacy and connection is essential to building a fulfilling relationship. It is important to build a culture of appreciation, create shared experiences, and prioritize the relationship. IFS complements this approach by helping individuals identify and work with their different parts that may block intimacy, such as fear, shame, or vulnerability.

By integrating the IFS model and Gottman principles, couples can develop greater self-awareness, empathy, and communication skills to deepen their connection and build a healthier relationship. Whether you are looking to resolve conflicts, enhance intimacy, or improve communication, this integrated approach can provide practical tools and insights to help you achieve your goals. With practice and commitment, couples can cultivate a deeper understanding of themselves and each other, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful relationship.

Share this post:

Janet Bayramyan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Los Angeles, CA and owner of Road to Wellness Therapy . She is certified in both Attachment Focused EMDR, Brainspotting therapy, and trained in Internal Family Systems (parts work) and the Havening Techniques. She is licensed in California, Florida, South Carolina, Texas, Connecticut, and North Carolina and can provide virtual therapy for clients residing in any one of those states. Janet’s passion and specialties include trauma recovery, relationship wellness, and anxiety support. Janet’s background is Russian, Armenian, and American and she takes into consideration how one’s cultural background impacts mental health and life experiences. Janet also provides mentorship, supervision, and consultations to associate therapists in her private practice. Visit her website at https://road2wellness.co and follow her on instagram and tik tok at https://instagram.com/therapy_with_janetb.

Recommended products

Original price was: $250.00.Current price is: $179.00.

Transform Your Relationship

The Gottman Relationship Adviser is a complete approach to relationship wellness. Measure your relationship health with the research-based Gottman Assessment, analyze five key areas of your partnership to identify your strengths and weaknesses, then start a tailored, step-by-step digital program proven to heal and strengthen your connection—all on your schedule and from anywhere.

The Adviser uses the legendary scientific Gottman Method to help you understand what’s really going on in your relationship—and gives you exactly what you need to improve it.

Original price was: $119.00.Current price is: $79.00.

Research-based Foundations for a Lifetime of Love.  The Gottman Relationship Coach is an inspiring and educational multimedia experience designed to enhance the well-being of relationships. Participants will be guided through research-based tools and communication skills that can transform relationships—all based on the popular Gottman Method. The first program, “How to Make Your Relationship Work”, is now available and includes:

  • The Gottman Method and How to Make Your Relationship Work
  • How do we predict the future of a relationship?
  • How to build a Sound Relationship House
  • What to do when the destructive Four Horsemen enter your relationship

“Buy Now” will take you to GOTTMAN CONNECT to purchase and view this product.

$599.00

Created by “the Einstein of Love” (Psychology Today), this two-day workshop is grounded on what actually works in relationships that are happy and stable. See for yourself why millions of couples worldwide have benefited from the Gottman Method.

Quote from participant in most recent Live Virtual Workshop:

The Art and Science of Love workshop- where do I begin? It was an absolute stellar workshop. We were looking forward to this for weeks, and it exceeded our expectations! It was well-structured, and well-organized, and provided a wealth of information with real-time demonstrations of how to work through specific scenarios. The outstanding support that was provided throughout the exercises with therapists on standby- WOW! Priceless!

Includes the Art & Science of Love box set.  Please allow time for shipping.  Please Note: This is a live online event. To attend, you will need a reliable internet connection. Our staff will reach out to you with your personal registration and access information.

Related posts

life partner

Go for the Life Partner, Not the Prom Date

Logan Ury

Behavioral scientist-turned dating coach Logan Ury explains what matters more (and less) than you think in long-term relationships. ...

Read More

Bid Busters: Ways You Unintentionally Turn Away from Connection

Satira Streeter

The people you love are making bids for your attention. Can you hear them? ...

Read More

Couple enhancing relationship on a date

10 Tips to Enhance Your Relationship

The Gottman Institute

Fun and effective tips for couples to enhance their relationship this summer ...

Read More

Couple on the brink of divorce

We’re on the Brink

Dr. Jenna Scott

When you are disconnected from your partner and unsure if the relationship can survive, there are specific actions to take to ...

Read More

How to be kind when you are upset with your partner. Image of couple talking.

How to Be Kind When You’re Upset With Your Partner

Sanaa Hyder

Kindness is not just important in the heat of an argument. ...

Read More

What to Do During a Rough Patch

Are Rough Patches in Relationships Normal?

Dana McNeil

What you can do when your relationship is on the rocks ...

Read More

Sign up for the email newsletter you are most interested in and start your Gottman journey today!