My Account
0

3 Tips for Couples to Stay Connected After Baby

The greatest gift you can give your child is a strong relationship between you and your partner.

It’s no secret that life dramatically changes after the birth of a baby. Gone are the days of leisurely strolls and weekend naps, and impromptu plans are replaced by sleepless nights and financial responsibilities. But if you ask most parents about their take on parenthood, they’ll tell you it was all worth it.

At The Gottman Institute, where Drs. John and Julie Gottman have been studying relationship health for over 40 years, the research shows that 67% of couples report a decline in relationship happiness for up to three years after the birth of the first child. As the focus shifts towards the baby and couples spend less time focused on one another, romance and intimacy decline while depression and hostility rise. New parents need help finding better ways to cope and manage the transition more effectively. They yearn to enjoy their new baby and be happy as a couple.  

With a desire to help build strong families, Dr. John Gottman spent years studying hundreds of couples to discover what it was that distinguished happy relationships from unhappy ones. He came away with a better understanding, and thus the Bringing Baby Home program was born. Drs. John and Julie Gottman designed this research-based workshop specifically for new parents experiencing the transition to parenthood.

The new parents workshop teaches couples how to maintain relationship satisfaction, manage conflict, and increase friendship so that more effective co-parenting and support takes place. Couples come together to focus on their relationship by learning how to stay in tune with one another, reduce stress, and begin a more positive journey towards parenthood. As a Bringing Baby Home Educator, I have seen first-hand the lasting positive impact that the the workshop has on couples and families.

New parents, here are three essential tips from the Bringing Baby Home (BBH) workshop that you can implement right now to maintain relationship satisfaction after the birth of your baby.

1. Maintain friendship by updating your love maps.

One of the major discoveries from the BBH research was that if a couple remained good friends during their transition to parenthood, they reported less anger and hostility and felt better equipped to handle the challenges ahead. Keeping up to date with your partner’s love maps, or the little details and events of your spouse’s life, is critical for connection and intimacy. If you’re feeling a bit outdated with one another’s love maps, use these questions to get re-acquainted.

2. Have a daily stress-reducing conversation.

Stress from our job, work commute, or an extra fussy baby leaves us feeling overwhelmed and emotional. Couples who can discuss the frustrations of their day, as separate from the relationship, have an opportunity to vent, gain support, and show empathy for one another. Feeling heard and understood helps alleviate any unwanted tension that can otherwise filter into the relationship. Gaining comfort and encouragement at the end of the day makes you feel like you’re both “in it together.”

 3. Approach conflict gently.

It’s really easy to blow up at each other when you’re exhausted and at your wits end. If you’re quick to throw out accusations and be harsh with your words, placing blame and insults on your partner, they’re likely to attack back or shut down. Steer clear of the Four Horsemen (defensiveness, criticism, contempt and stonewalling). Use “I” statements and speak to the situation at hand, not one that happened several months ago. Talk about how the circumstance made you feel and request what you need from your partner in the future to avoid unhealthy repeats. Raising disagreements in a calm, rational manner will allow you to problem solve and find some common ground productively.

Dr. John Gottman’s research on life after baby provides couples with hope and new possibilities to be able to get through those first few months with ease. With your partner by your side, you’ll find new ways to appreciate and love one another – the greatest gift you can give your child is a strong relationship between you and your partner.

Share this post:

April Eldemire is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Bringing Baby Home Educator, and couples expert in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. She is passionately devoted to helping couples achieve thriving relationships. For information on a Bringing Baby Home workshop, counseling services, or to subscribe to her Tip Sheet, visit her website.

Recommended products

Original price was: $250.00.Current price is: $169.00.

Transform Your Relationship

The Gottman Relationship Adviser is a complete approach to relationship wellness. Measure your relationship health with the research-based Gottman Assessment, analyze five key areas of your partnership to identify your strengths and weaknesses, then start a tailored, step-by-step digital program proven to heal and strengthen your connection—all on your schedule and from anywhere.

The Adviser uses the legendary scientific Gottman Method to help you understand what’s really going on in your relationship—and gives you exactly what you need to improve it.

Original price was: $119.00.Current price is: $79.00.

Research-based Foundations for a Lifetime of Love.  The Gottman Relationship Coach is an inspiring and educational multimedia experience designed to enhance the well-being of relationships. Participants will be guided through research-based tools and communication skills that can transform relationships—all based on the popular Gottman Method. The first program, “How to Make Your Relationship Work”, is now available and includes:

  • The Gottman Method and How to Make Your Relationship Work
  • How do we predict the future of a relationship?
  • How to build a Sound Relationship House
  • What to do when the destructive Four Horsemen enter your relationship

“Buy Now” will take you to GOTTMAN CONNECT to purchase and view this product.

Original price was: $599.00.Current price is: $499.00.

Created by “the Einstein of Love” (Psychology Today), this two-day workshop is grounded on what actually works in relationships that are happy and stable. See for yourself why millions of couples worldwide have benefited from the Gottman Method.

Quote from participant in most recent Live Virtual Workshop:

The Art and Science of Love workshop- where do I begin? It was an absolute stellar workshop. We were looking forward to this for weeks, and it exceeded our expectations! It was well-structured, and well-organized, and provided a wealth of information with real-time demonstrations of how to work through specific scenarios. The outstanding support that was provided throughout the exercises with therapists on standby- WOW! Priceless!

Includes the Art & Science of Love box set.  Please allow time for shipping.  Please Note: This is a live online event. To attend, you will need a reliable internet connection. Our staff will reach out to you with your personal registration and access information.

Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

Related posts

Grandparents and kids enjoying family time together

Setting Healthy Boundaries with Grandparents

Kimberly Panganiban

Struggling with overstepping grandparents? Discover how to set healthy boundaries while keeping the peace. Get practical strategies that work. ...

Read More

A young couple putting across their point of view and could be succumbing to common couples conflict mistakes that occur during conflict

Three Common Mistakes Couples Make During Conflict

Andrew G. Marshall

If you want to stop arguing all the time, avoid these mistakes ...

Read More

Stress-proof your relationship this holiday season just like this couple having fun and enjoying each others company

How to Stress-Proof Your Relationship This Holiday Season

Kyle Benson

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude around your partner and loved ones during the holidays. ...

Read More

Managing vs. Resolving Conflict in Relationships The Blueprints for Success

Managing vs. Resolving Conflict in Relationships

Marni Feuerman

A look at three “conflict blueprints” to help you and your partner constructively manage conflict around unsolvable problems. ...

Read More

Big blended family enjoying time together

Navigating Different Parenting Styles in Blended Families

Terry Gaspard

In blended families there are likely several different parenting styles at play that can cause conflict among adults and children alike. ...

Read More

Happy couple in long lasting relationship

7 Outdated Relationship Myths

Dawn Smith

Here are some common relationship myths broken down. Learn why they are not accurate and develop the skills to deepen your ...

Read More

Sign up for the email newsletter you are most interested in and start your Gottman journey today!