The Four Horsemen

Research shows couples can move forward after an affair. But how?

If a couple can revive their fondness and admiration for each other, they are more likely to approach conflict resolution as a team.

Contempt to be the #1 predictor of divorce. What is contempt, and what makes this horseman the worst?

The last, but certainly not least, of the Four Horsemen is stonewalling.

Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. It is the number one predictor of divorce, but it can be defeated.

Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner.

The first of the Four Horsemen, and likely the most common, is criticism.

The first step in effectively managing conflict is to identify and counteract The Four Horsemen when they arrive in your conflict discussions. Luckily, for every horseman there is an antidote, and you can learn how and when to use them below.

Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.

A fundamental principle of maintaining The Positive Perspective in your relationship is to let your partner influence you.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman divides the behaviors of conversing couples into three clear boxes: Nice, Neutral, and Nasty.