Stop Creating Gratitude Lists and Do This Instead

It’s time to have a thank you note revival.

It’s time to have a thank you note revival.

It’s time to have a thank you note revival.

In the many self-improvement and positive psychology books I’ve read over the years, one common finding appeared again and again: true contentment in life comes from our ability to cultivate gratitude.

At the advice of these authors, gurus, and sages, I embarked on writing daily gratitude lists, scrawled on notepads and in fancy gratitude journals. I encouraged the sharing of gratitudes at dinner with my family, used gratitude apps and reminders, and made impromptu lists in my head to emotionally transition from frustration to peace.

It works, which is why I am such a huge fan of gratitude. Gratitude and I go way back.

But last December I had a thought. What if I was shortchanging my experience of gratitude by keeping it all to myself, closed into journals, and limited to my husband and two kids?

It was time to level up my gratitude practice.

I ordered 365 thank you notes online. With January 1 on the near horizon, the plan was set. I would write one thank you note every day for the next 365 days with an aim to upgrade my sense of gratitude by the end of 2018. 

It worked!  

Over the course of the past year, I’ve sent thank you notes to colleagues, family, and friends. I’ve penned my thanks to restaurant owners, service workers, mail deliverers, a cardiologist, and an airline pilot.

I wrote notes of deep appreciation to authors of books I’ve loved. I’ve thanked people for gifts, invites to parties, and acts of kindness. I’ve expressed thanks for new business, for making introductions, and for wise advice. 

A few months into this project, I shared the experience with a friend who, while delighted by the idea, was perplexed. “How do you know who to send a thank you note to each day?” he asked. “It’s simple,” I explained. “I just mentally scan through the day before and find one person I interacted with to send my thanks to.”

Surely, when you look through the previous 24 hours, you can find one human being that touched your life. Maybe it was a journalist who wrote an article you loved or the plumber who not only fixed your leak but was punctual and courteous.  Maybe it was the extra effort your child’s teacher puts into her curriculum so her students are engaged and excited. 

This project taught me to notice that every single day we are touched by the people we interact with if we allow ourselves to be.

I’ve learned so much about the art of saying thanks, and here are a few key takeaways.

  1. On a practical level, it helped to have a supply of stamps and cards on hand so there was nothing stopping me from writing a note each time the opportunity arose.
  2. The act of writing a thank you note is so different from typing an email or tapping in a text. It’s slower, more thoughtful, and more heartfelt. It invites pause and reflection as the pen patiently waits at the paper until the right words start to flow.
  3. Making it a daily practice (such as, the last thing you do before you go to bed or the first thing you do in the morning) creates a ritual. After 365 days, this habit is firmly implanted in my life.
  4. No act is ever too small to deserve acknowledgment. In fact, no act is needed at all. Some of my favorite notes to write were the ones that thanked someone for simply being in my life.

I’m aware that writing letters and notes is an old-fashioned art belonging to a culture of civility and courtesy that is slowly disappearing from our society. Imagine if thank you notes made a comeback. The impact would be immeasurable.

We live in an age when retro is cool and vintage is vogue. I think we’re poised to welcome back some old-school social mores.

It’s time to have a thank you note revival. I’m in. Are you?

Show how much you care. Order the Sound Relationship Postcards and send them to the ones you love.

Kristen Manieri is a conscious living coach based in Orlando, FL. A prolific writer and blogger with lifestyle and travel articles published around the world, Kristen is also the host of The Synced Life, a podcast focused on what it means to live a more connected, conscious and intentional life. She is also the creator of, a site that launched in 2007 and now serves over 75,000 unique readers each month.