Depression is a ‘mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest’ (Chand & Arif, 2023). It is the most common mental health issue yet more than half the people who experience it do not seek help.
Why am I depressed?
You may wonder why you are depressed. You may even feel like you shouldn’t be depressed. Stigma still exists around mental health, and you may feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. Depression is more than just sadness though, and while there are actions you can take to improve the situation, there are elements to it that are beyond your control just like with any illness.
Risk factors
Depression isn’t caused by a single factor or just a chemical imbalance. Instead, it develops through a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental influences.
Some common risk factors include:
- A family history of depression
- Insecure childhood attachment
- Substance use or addiction
- Ongoing stress or difficult life circumstances
- Relationship conflict or disconnection
Is this depression or just a rough patch?
Depression can look different for everyone, but there are some common patterns to pay attention to. These symptoms are often persistent and affect how you feel, think, and connect with others:
- Ongoing sadness or feeling ‘off’
Feeling down, empty, or hopeless most of the day - Loss of interest or pleasure
Things you once enjoyed may no longer feel meaningful - Emotional numbness or disconnection
Feeling checked out - Fatigue or low energy
Even small tasks can feel overwhelming - Changes in sleep
Sleeping too much, not enough, or difficulty staying asleep - Changes in appetite
Eating significantly more or less than usual - Difficulty concentrating
Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things - Irritability or increased frustration
Feeling more reactive or sensitive - Withdrawal from relationships
Pulling away from loved ones or avoiding connection - Feelings of worthlessness or guilt Low self esteem or feeling unimportant and not needed
Is there a pattern?
Everyone has hard days. What matters is a pattern of these symptoms not just isolated moments.
Consider:
- Has this been going on for weeks or longer?
- Does it feel hard to “snap out of it”?
- Is it affecting your relationships, work, or daily functioning
Depression can lead to relationship problems and can be exacerbated by relationship stressors; it is very interconnected.
Impact on your relationship
When you are depressed, you may question your partner’s love and your relationship. However, we know that our emotional health is deeply connected to how we show up in relationships.
When you’re struggling internally, it may look like:
- Pulling away from connection
- Feeling misunderstood or easily triggered
- Lacking the energy to engage or repair conflict
Whether relationship challenges are contributing to your depression, or your depression is creating strain in your relationship, the two are often deeply connected. Recognizing and addressing these patterns early can make a meaningful difference, both for your emotional wellbeing and your connection with your partner.
How to deal with depression
It’s important to seek support when dealing with depression. A good place to start is with a therapist, who can help you better understand what you’re experiencing and work through underlying challenges using talk therapy. In some cases, it may also be helpful to consult with a medical provider to explore whether medication could be part of your care.
In addition to therapy and, when appropriate, medication, there are everyday practices that can support your mental health. When incorporated consistently, these habits can help improve mood and overall well-being:
- Regular physical activity
- Breathing exercises or meditation
- Avoiding drugs and alcohol
- Eating balanced, nourishing meals
- Staying connected with friends
- Seeking support from loved ones
These small, consistent steps along with professional support can make a meaningful difference over time.
Couples therapy can be a valuable space to begin addressing this connection. Rather than placing blame, it helps both partners understand how depression is showing up in the relationship—whether through withdrawal, conflict, or missed emotional bids—and how to respond with greater empathy and support. With guidance, couples can learn to communicate more effectively, rebuild emotional safety, and develop practical ways to navigate difficult moments together. Addressing depression within the context of the relationship not only supports individual healing, but also strengthens the bond between partners.
