I’m bad with money. For as long as I can remember, I’ve related to the idiom of “money burning a hole in your pocket.” I blame “Home Alone 2” and other movies from my childhood for instilling the idea that large sums of money are to be spent on short-term extravagances like limousines with phones and large pepperoni pizzas inside.
But since I’m an adult with a job now, not a kid checked in at the Plaza Hotel, I have enlisted the help of a savings app. It automatically rounds up my purchases and makes small deposits into a savings account. I hardly even notice and over time, I’ve saved up enough for a rainy day pizza limo. I’m confident it will feel earned when I ride around the town, prank calling evil executives from my car phone or whatever.
This is sort of how the Emotional Bank Account works—there’s greater long-term value in making smaller “deposits” regularly, over time. And it’s easier.
It’s easier to turn toward your partner (“hey, look at that dog!” “cute!”), say thank you for the little things they do that make your life more pleasant, kiss them, and hear about their days throughout the week than it is to orchestrate a one-time, “Bachelor”-level fantasy date. It also creates a stronger foundation of fondness and admiration—imbuing more moments with meaning and love.
Dr. John Gottman says, “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.”
That’s why we’re launching Small Things Often, a new podcast from The Gottman Institute. The context for a great relationship is co-created in everyday moments. “Making a relationship work” feels enormous, but it’s the small adjustments that have the biggest impact over time.
Each podcast episode will be less than five minutes long, so you can help improve your relationship while you brush your teeth, get to work, or eat a large slice of pepperoni pizza.
Small Things Often is an invitation to think small. It could make a big difference.
Listen to Small Things Often here, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts.
Creative Director of The Gottman Institute
Sent from my Car Phone