The Archives

Under the guise of “healthy communication,” I was actually destroying my own relationship.

When you are trying to get your point across, it is not helpful to scream louder or longer. That is a waste of time and energy—time and energy better spent reviewing the perspectives of both parties involved.

All of the constructs I grew up with and believed I would carry on in my own family had to be thrown out the window. As much as I would like one, there is no guide on how to be a stepfamily—we are all too different.

Geographic separation, whether it is for 6 weeks, 6 months, or longer, is inevitably difficult. The key to a successful deployment for any couple is to learn together all you can in order to prepare for your time apart.

Allow grief, in your own heart and in the hearts of others. Don’t send it underground.

Thanks to a combination of sobriety, introspection, therapy, and Kate’s support, I’m feeling more comfortable showing up authentically both inside and outside this relationship.

Everything I thought I knew about myself, my faith, my friendships, and my family was put on tilt when I decided to be true to who I am and pursue that woman.

Betrayal trauma hits the foundation of the person and the relationship—trust.

Sometimes, we are a hetero couple, sometimes a gay couple, but most of the time we live outside of the established labels altogether.

Identifying what I needed helped release and transform vicarious trauma into post-traumatic growth.

Commitment doesn’t inoculate us against marriage atrophy. In fact, some would argue that it’s the cause of it. But it’s the thing that keeps us in and has us weather the droughts that are an inevitable part of a long marriage.

I found myself feeling like there was a different kind of connection forming, beyond best friendship. Could this be?