you’re really preparing them for the next part of sandwich that’s going to be harder to hear so let’s say you’re communicating with your partner about their parenting and you think let’s say it’s her wife thinks her husband’s too stern with the kids you know she might start out by saying look i think you’re a great dad and the kids adore you i think you bring so many strengths the table i’m wondering if we could talk about your your tone maybe it’s fine with them it does concern me they look to me like they feel hardly use that the time i’m wondering if that’s something that you and i can brainstorm or talk about and i’m also open to you giving me feedback at the things that you’d like me to work on in the in terms of my parenting as well so starting with the positive saying that the complaint is as mild a way as possible and maybe ending with the ending with the compliment as well i think is huge in terms of the down the problems communicating i think that john gottman marital researcher john gottman for horse