how defensive you are i think is really critical in any any long term romantic relationship or any relationship for that i agree especially the defensive piece which is so we could go off on a little bit more as well which we don’t quite have the time for it today but sort of understanding your own reflexes as a human can i think serve people really well moving forward and trying to establish relationships or coleman any resources or anything you’d want to hear with our listeners that you’d make any recommendations for either your own books or websites or anything else that you think people should check out well i think regarding couples i think john gottman research i think is kind of some of the the best and that we currently have in terms of my own resources people can go to my website at triple r joshua coleman dotcom and these days i’m doing a lot of work around parental a strange man helping parents in particular all children do and to have contact with them so i’m doing a lot of webinars and that kind of thing for them