We Keep Planning Their Future Around Their Waking Hours.
We sign our teenagers up for classes, drive them to practice and stay up with them over homework, hoping to help them grow into the adults they will become.
We can admire their determination when they study past midnight. We may do much the same ourselves, working late and getting through the following morning with coffee. In a culture of grinding harder, we can easily treat sleeping less as evidence of commitment.
But teenagers are still developing the brains they will use throughout adulthood. While they sleep, they undergo biological changes that deserve a place in our plans for their future.
What happens while they sleep
During adolescence, the brain undergoes extensive reorganization. Through synaptic pruning, it eliminates some connections between nerve cells as its networks develop. Through myelination, specialized cells build insulation around nerve fibers, allowing signals to travel more efficiently.
Researchers have begun to establish how closely sleep is involved. In a study of adolescent mice, scientists repeatedly photographed tiny structures on nerve cells. After waking, they counted a net increase; after sleep, a net decrease. They were observing structural changes associated with pruning.
In a 2022 research review, neuroscientist Paul Anastasiades and colleagues examined evidence connecting sleep with the maturation of the prefrontal cortex—the region involved in planning, decision-making and regulating emotions. They described how disrupted sleep could interfere with developing brain networks, potentially affecting mental health into adulthood. Researchers still need to establish precisely how those long-term effects unfold in humans.
For parents, the implications extend beyond tomorrow’s mood or test. By making adequate sleep a priority during adolescence, we may help our children develop the capacity to manage emotions and navigate difficulties years later.
Their bodies are growing, too. Children release much of their growth hormone during sleep. For a teenager eager to grow, that may be a more interesting reason to go to bed than being told they will feel less tired.
Build Their Day Around Their Sleep
Teenagers ages 13–18 should regularly get eight to ten hours of sleep. When planning the day together, set aside those hours first, then work out how to fit in homework, activities and time with friends.
1. Count backward before adding another commitment.
If your teenager must wake at 6:30, nine hours of sleep means being asleep by 9:30. Allow time to settle down. Before agreeing to another evening activity, look together at when they could realistically finish homework, eat and get ready for bed.
2. Help with the arrangements they cannot change alone.
Ask what keeps them awake. If they regularly work on assignments late into the night, speak with their teachers about workload and available support. Review late practices or work shifts together. During puberty, teenagers naturally tend to feel sleepy later, so an earlier bedtime can be difficult even when they want more sleep. Sleep specialists explain this biological shift.
3. Agree on an evening routine they help design.
Discuss when to stop gaming, silence notifications and put the phone away. Explain the developmental reasons for sleeping enough, then listen to what would make the routine workable.
Follow through on your own part: finish household requests earlier and avoid starting a difficult conversation just as they are heading to bed.
We put considerable thought into what our teenagers might become. We can give their nights the same consideration we give their classes and activities.
Some of the growing up we so carefully plan for happens after we say goodnight.
For help working through everyday challenges with your teenager, explore Gottman Parenting: Teen Success.
