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Five ways to support their hobbies—and recognize what they may be discovering about themselves.
Your teenager shows you an anime costume they have spent hours making, and you start thinking about their future. Could they study design? Make a career of it? Earn enough to support themselves?
As adults, we often think in terms of a plan: education, a job, financial independence. Our teenager may simply want to show us how they finally got the sleeve right. We can underestimate how important these interests can become to their sense of who they are.
When they want to learn
Psychologists Richard Ryan and Edward Deci describe intrinsic motivation as doing something for its inherent interest and enjoyment. In their review of motivation research, they explain how opportunities to make choices, develop competence and feel connected to others support motivation and learning.
Consider a teenager who plays back a recording, hears something they want to change and tries again. Nobody has assigned the work or promised a grade. They want to make it sound right. Before asking whether they could earn money from music production, notice how much they already want to learn.
Discovering who they are
In a study by David Hansen, Reed Larson and Jodi Dworkin, adolescents reported exploring interests and reflecting on their identity through organized extracurricular and community activities.
A teenager helping with a school production might discover that they prefer making costumes to performing. Through an activity they enjoy, they can recognize their abilities, find people they feel at home with and imagine possibilities they had not considered. Something they first try for fun may become central to how they understand themselves and the life they choose to build.
Here are five ways to support that exploration.
1. Take their enjoyment seriously
Your teenager might spend an afternoon painting a tiny Warhammer figure or rearranging a Pokémon card collection. Ask what they enjoy about it before asking what it is for.
They do not need to win a competition, sell what they make or become exceptional at it to enjoy learning more.
2. Let them know more than you
In Minecraft, ask them to show you around a building they designed. If they enjoy music production, ask to hear the section they changed. You may need them to point out the bass line before you can hear the difference.
Give them time to explain before suggesting improvements.
3. Help them try one real experience
A library workshop might offer a chance to try 3D printing. A school robotics club might welcome them to a meeting. Borrowed crochet hooks and yarn could be enough to begin a small project.
Discuss cost, transport and time together. Help them explore what they could borrow before buying equipment.
4. Ask about the people, too
A teenager playing Dungeons & Dragons may enjoy inventing dialogue with friends. Someone practicing a K-pop dance may look forward to rehearsing together as much as performing it.
Ask whom they enjoy spending time with and whether they had fun, alongside what they learned or accomplished.
5. Ask before planning their future
When your teenager enjoys digital art, you may already be thinking about art school, job prospects and how they would earn a living. Ask what they want to do next before making that plan for them. They may want a course, help drawing hands or simply more time to draw.
There will be time to discuss education, work and money. For now, let them show you the sleeve they finally got right. You may be wondering what your teenager will do for a living; they are also discovering what they want to do with their life.
For guidance on supporting your teenager’s motivation and growing independence, explore Gottman Parenting: Teen Success.
