• How to Be a Great Listener cover photo

How to Be a Great Listener

A guide to really hearing and understanding what your partner is trying to say.




Building love and trust involves really listening to our partners, which is not as easy as it sounds. Asking the right questions, empathizing, and making someone feel understood are skills that can dramatically increase intimacy in any relationship. To help you learn how to do this, we recommend that you periodically take your partner’s emotional temperature. You’ll ask (among other things) “How are you doing, baby?” not out of politeness, but because you really want to know. How often is “periodically”? Schedule these times at first, and soon it will come naturally.

It’s a critical building block in creating what Drs. John and Julie Gottman call the Sound Relationship House – the kind of trusting, affectionate and reciprocal partnership we all wish to have.

See our other booklets in the Relationship Guide series:

  1. Relaxation — Learn the simple methods for self-soothing and reducing stress.
  2. Aftermath of a Fight — Key steps to making repairs and getting back on track after regrettable incidents.
  3. Small Things Often — Daily guide to the specific things that create stronger bonds.
  4. Avoid the Four Horsemen — Learn how to prevent criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.
  5. Fondness & Admiration — Cultivate deeper fondness and admiration for your partner with the help of these short, daily exercises.



Booklet (paper); PDF (digital)








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