john gottman talks about negative sentiment override when we’re so focused on what the other person is doing wrong that we become blind to our own contributions we’re not just missing our patterns we’re actively doing the exact things we claim are destroying our relationships we demand emotional availability while stonewalling we want vulnerability while weaponizing insecurities we ask for understanding while invalidating our partner’s experiences we expect patients while having emotional meltdowns we want respect while being condescending we complain about sex while creating an emotionally unsafe atmosphere we want to be desired yet we’ll make them feel like all they want is sex sometimes i think we’re all walking talking trauma responses wearing costumes projecting our childhood wounds onto everyone while calling it incompatibility we’re convinced the other person is the problem when it’s likely we’re just recreating familiar dysfunction because it’s all we know and change feels scarier than staying stuck and blame is easier the real work is improving who’s worse it’s getting curious about how we’re all participating in the same cycle we claim to